Get real! (For the gender-insensitive man)

Have you ever had the misfortune of meeting or knowing a gender-insensitive man in your office, workplace or organization? They are not difficult to spot. These are the bunch of people who turn resentful whenever a woman is given the opportunity to shine and captivate an audience including management or leadership; and feel threatened whenever a woman is acknowledged capable to execute a man’s supposedly highly sensitive work. Get real! This is not the forties man! Today is 2004, and with that the changes in mindsets, attitudes and paradigms.

Have you ever heard of the cellular phone and texting? Telecommunications has become the global paradox. With it, the world has become both bigger and smaller at the same time. The world has turned bigger because with each technological advancement and discovery, we are expanding our horizons; and smaller because now, we can easily connect to the farthest country on earth. Thanks to telecommunications.

And yet, here we are confronted with adult men whose mindsets are remnants of the Spanish era - where women were boxed and their opportunities limited to getting married and raising children. Hello!

I can only commiserate with the miserable lives of these men whose attitudes on women are very parochial and stereotypical. Their minds are so small and shallow. No wonder they have not gone a notch higher in stature and prominence.

It’s not enough that they sabotage a woman’s best effort; they even go to the lengths of assassinating her character. And with that, they start thinking they have won the game. Sorry people, women are cut out differently. Let us revisit the strength of women, shall we? Women are stronger emotionally. Women keep families intact. Women hold the balance in the family. A woman is the epitome of equilibrium through all the bad and tough times. That’s why we dearly love our mothers.

There are also supposedly younger men who have become disciples of these narrow and shallow-minded gender-insensitive adult men. You think that because they were born much, much later, they are more attuned to the changes in the world. You think wrong. These young gender-insensitive men easily fall on the list of disciples because they don’t know anything at all. They don’t read books and don’t adopt new thoughts and paradigms. They simply remain ignorant, dull, and worse, mediocre. Poor men. To think, they come from a younger generation.

So what do women do given the undeserved criticism of these traditional, dull, mediocre small-minds? I can only venture one recommendation. Take the high road and continue making a difference. You owe it to your Maker to maximize your gifts. According to the “Purpose-Driven Life” book, “by maximizing your potentials, you give greater glory to God who in the larger picture, made you for a purpose. Remember you did not happen by chance; God planned you.”

Sustain the desire to excel in the areas of your expertise and be the best in your field. The world will not stop to listen to the gripes and bitterness of a gender-insensitive man. If you listen to him, you give him undeserved attention. What good does that do to you? None. Remember, it’s not a woman’s problem if a man’s mind is small, shallow, traditional, and mediocre. If an adult man wants to grow up, by all means, let him. If he needs help, assist him. Bring him to gender-sensitivity trainings; women forums, and other women-related activities; provide him good books. 

But if his only concern is to criticize you and drag you down, forget it. As the book “Maximize the Moment” says, “some luggage is not worth carrying with you. It will only pull you down with its weight. You are better off without it."

It has always been said that acceptance of a new reality or paradigm is a difficult and painful process. It involves embracing a new life – new attitude; new approach; new outlook while discarding the old life – old attitude; old approach; old outlook. It takes courage to take on something new, which brings discomfort and lots of fears at the start; and more courage to get rid of something that we have been comfortable with for a long, long time. Continuing on the path of denial may seem easier for a time, but if we honestly try to have a fresh look from the outside, we will soon realize that we have more to lose than gain. After all, the world will not stop turning on our behalf. It will continue turning without us.

If he wants to learn it the hard way, so be it. Sooner or later, it will sink in and from his new awareness, growth. But by then, you will have made your mark.

(This article was originally written for a newspaper column in 2004.)

          

The man with a big heart

Life is a constant journey for this big man with a big heart. Born more than forty summers ago, Kenneth Ronald “Kiking” Constancia Camacho was very athletic growing up. He involved in many sports activities, most particularly basketball where his 5’10” height and huge frame played to his advantage.

Blending with nature

He is born to prominent parents. His father, the late Dr. Estanislao Camacho practised medicine and once served as Chief of Hospital at Catigbian District Hospital. Following his retirement, he ran and won as Board Member representing the second district of Bohol. His political career was cut short by his demise. Kiking’s mother served as budget officer at the Sagbayan local government unit until her retirement. She is a public servant at heart. She served the local government while raising a family. It is solid proof that women can manage multi-roles and multi-functions.

He has two other brothers and one sister. Their eldest is Father Jesus Frederick who is now parish priest at Sto. Nino parish in Anda, Bohol. Joseph Lemuel, a younger brother presently serves as staff of Congressman Aris Aumentado while sister Eymardine, a nurse who was also a high school classmate of this writer, is based in the U.S.

He completed his elementary education at Sagbayan Elementary School; obtained his high school diploma from the University of San Carlos–School for Boys; and his Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering from the University of San Carlos–Technology Center. He took the Mechanical Engineering Board Examinations in October 1988 and passed it in March 1989.

He joined BOHECO I in 1992 fully acknowledging that the company is the proverbial greener pasture. He desired to have a first-hand experience in running a hydro power plant. He has served the company since then. 

At work, he’s the big brother to many. People are naturally drawn to him because of his good nature and easy personality. He is literally a big brother. To this writer, he is a suave driver.

Kiking is married to the former Fritzie Lasco, daughter of the former Mayor of Tubigon, Bohol. She served as BOHECO I nurse for eight years. It was an office romance for this couple which culminated in marriage. Presently, they have three kids aged 10, 7, and 4. Suffice it to say, he married late in life. He enjoyed his bachelor days to the max!

His work functions include overseeing the over-all requirements of the electric cooperative in terms of materials, supplies, equipment, and other logistics. He makes sure that he is on top the situation and anticipates all needs to ensure the smooth operation of each functional unit.

Like most everybody, Kiking has future plans but is not ready to disclose them yet. In time, he will. In the meantime, the man with a big heart is enjoying his life journey to the hilt. 

             

Sunday at the mall

Sunday at the mall, I met an old acquaintance.

She approached me and asked about the condition of an old friend. We got to talking. Then she shared about her intent to leave her job after twenty long years. She wanted to rest. I said, go. Execute that plan. You've worked hard and long, you deserve to lie low for a while. She naturally had apprehensions most especially that her well-meaning friends encouraged her to wait out for another five years or so. She explained that she's not keen on anchoring her decision on money. I said, right. I support your decision to rest.

Why am I supportive? Because she has thought well and hard about it. She has prepared for it.

Leaving a well-paying job entails a radical life change. These adjustments are part and parcel of the package. Bring the entire family into the plan so they will understand the upcoming changes and be ready to adjust, as well.

Everybody deserves a break. She has worked for twenty years. Surely, her well-deserved break is not so hard to grant.

She can do consultancy on the side so she won't get bored. She can do mentoring. There are a lot of things she can do given her experience, caliber, and professional track record.

Like I always say, everyone will approach a life phase. It is disconcerting, unnerving and scary. However, if the ultimate reason is health, we should totally support. After all, health is the greatest wealth. 

Lady, I support you. Go enter that new life phase. Make God your banner.

Food for thought:

They're different kinds of challenges depending upon what phase of life I'm in. - Alanis Morissette

Do it now! can affect every phase of your life. It can help you do the things you should do but don't feel like doing. It can keep you from procrastinating when an unpleasant duty faces you. But it can also help you do those things that you want to do. It helps you seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved. - Napoleon Hill

The thought of romance

Love stories always happen. In fact, they are happening as we speak, anywhere, everywhere. You can ask Maiko about it haha. That’s because the human heart is designed to love which is the real thing, and, to enjoy romance which is fleeting and a feel-good thing.

Naturally, some love stories are scoffed at. This usually happens when the love story is an “affair” between two married people or a single person with a married individual.

There are many motivations to enjoy the feeling of romance. For the middle-aged, perhaps their relationships have reached a point of boredom. They want variety. They want something exciting and fun. Oh, the middle-aged don’t intend to leave their families; they’re just at it for pure fun and pleasure. And of course, it’s good for the ego and machismo, for men, that is. What about for women. Well, I guess the motivation is the same huh!

Someone once told me this: In a man’s lifetime, he will have a fling or two. Hmmm is that an acceptance that her man will eventually have a fling or two in his lifetime. Who knows? We do not hold the future in our hands.

There are different types of romance. There is a summer fling or romance. This usually ends when summer ends. How’s that? A vacation romance is quite romantic, right? You spend a week or two in a new place without the slightest thought of romance and suddenly you find yourself flirting with another human being haha. It doesn’t end there. There’s a course review romance; office romance; out of office training romance; airport romance; ship romance; sales romance; name it, you have it. There’s actually no limit for romance to happen. As long as we live, we breathe attraction. It’s the normal course of things.

Oh well, this article is not written to encourage all types of romance.

It only aspires to articulate and put into words what happens in real life.

A million little things

I went to visit a friend yesterday afternoon after dropping off my son in the university. Well, I lingered a bit in the faculty room of my son’s college department and engaged two professors in animated conversation. The talk centered on the power industry. Haha I’m really a power industry girl. It’s an easy topic to discuss.

When I left, I drove to a friend’s house. I haven’t seen this friend since I left for Iloilo City several months back.

It was a wonderful opportunity to engage in good conversation. Well, I had coffee and eventually dinner. Haha at the rate I’m eating these days, I’m really going to add weight. Anyways, she prepared Panga. Wow it was tasty and I finally felt that I’m back in Gen. Santos City with its flavorful Panga!

It happens that my friend grows plants so I took the chance to ask for some branches and other rooted plants since Ate Teody has the green thumb. Since I returned from Iloilo City, my garden has been truly greened and plants are robust. Not only that, Ate Teody grew vegetables. Really cool.

Betty’s son Ian was just discharged from the hospital for dengue. Last Friday when I communicated with her first, she was in the hospital because Ian was confined for dengue. I wasn’t able to visit him that weekend on account of my son’s university activities. So yesterday, I made sure to visit them. Ian is doing better. Platelet has improved. Thank God. But funny thing what Betty said: “Day, sayang tapos na transfusion when I learned last Friday that you are Type A (blood type). You could have donated blood.” I said, yes I could have. But is that possible? I may donate blood today; then need it the following day. That will be ironic. She said, “Well there are qualifying factors. Women menstruate, so that will be considered including age, status of health, tattoo marks, others.” Anyways, she finally said: “Ian could have had your blood and you two become connected (for life) and then, he will grow more intelligent.” Haha so that’s the bottom line. We both laughed and said, “Yes”. Mothers.

But seriously, is there a study or research that can prove that donated or transfused blood can stimulate brain activity? Calling scientists. Is there research to back up our theory?

Anyways, I left Betty’s house quite full: physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s really good to visit close friends and talk. As it happens, I knew Betty for fifteen years. She was still single then. Her kids are still young while mine are already teenagers but our friendship has grown through the years. We have seen the changing fortunes of time, so to speak. I like that. Changing fortunes of time. So Desiderata.

Betty and I have a long way to go… until old age haha.

You’re the best Betty. You always have been.

Food for thought: Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things.

Kindred souls

With high school friends

Is your life filled with kindred spirits? Do you appreciate kindred souls? If your answer to both questions is “yes”, then you are one fortunate human being because with kindred souls, you can never go wrong. Haha I bet you were imagining a fairy tale complete with fairies.
I asked my college best friend Catherine Carmela Consing Taylor who is now based in Canada and who happens to be a very generous Ninang to my son Hezekiah Kit for a possible topic to explore in my column. I requested that the suggestion be light because my head can’t crack heavy stuff at this moment in time. Her reply: “Hmmm...How about importance of good girlfriends? How there are girlfriends who might be far away but still a kindred spirit? Something to do with girlfriends, what do you think?”

And I like it! So let’s attempt to explore the concept of women friends; women bonding; women sharing; women moments and related stuff about women.
Why indeed is girl friendship so essential to women? We can cite several reasons: to feel strengthened; understood and validated; and supported; to be oneself sans inhibitions; to be totally crazy with and not judged or mocked; to have fun; to feel wholly a woman, ad infinitum.
Like for instance my best friend Carmela. We became friends way back in college. I was maid of honor at her wedding in Dumaguete City. Ah Dumaguete. It brings back wonderful memories and Carmela certainly knew about it. Remember those places in your life when you had fun and light moments that stick for a lifetime? I had those moments in Dumaguete and I always smile whenever I remember them. In fact, Kenny G’s Silhouette and Billy Ocean’s The Colour of Love were the songs that captured those moments.

But back to kindred souls, before the onset of modern technology and the internet phenomenon, we kept our relationships with our girlfriends from afar through letters and long distance telephone calls. If they are based elsewhere in the country and our work provides us opportunity to travel, we make sure to visit them and spend time with them. But the most inspired thing is when we share the same city. Then we can set the outings, gigs, bonding and girl talks.
There is always solidarity between or amongst women. But the thing is we must invest time to nurture it. Some women take it for granted that their closest friends are there for them, come hell or high waters. But hey, they are “feeling” beings, too. They also need a call, a text or a girl date to refresh the relationship from time to time. Even computer screens require refreshing huh! And computers can’t even feel. It is not even high-maintenance friendship. Connection could be a peek on how she is doing, a chat over decaf coffee, or simply spending time together, not a tall order, if you ask me.

Since women are emotional beings, they find deep satisfaction from a good talk. For most women, talking is simply therapy. It is inexpensive and yet, very rewarding. As learned people would often say, “Never, underestimate the power of a good talk”. It is cathartic.
I love this line from a book I read a couple of years ago: As a woman, you play different roles. You are a wife; mother; sister; daughter; friend. But lest you forget it, you are a woman, first and foremost. You have needs to be met. You should not neglect that part of your persona. And may I add, if you focus on the rest of your roles but forget the most essential which is the soul of your being, you will falter, because by meeting the essential requirements of your woman nature, you will come out filled and all set to tackle the other roles attached to being a woman.

At home with work friends

Going back to kindred spirits which provide women a sense of balance and solidarity especially during challenging times, when a woman’s girlfriend is going through a tough time in her life – in all areas like not passing the board exam for instance, losing a boyfriend or finding out the husband has a fling or worse paramour, it is so much easier to confide in a friend than a sibling or family. Wonder why.

Disclosure is a breeze when done with a non-relative. Of course, we do not diminish the value of family. Families have their moral ascendancy over the order of things but kindred souls are like an extension of family and yet, there is no felt tension; no implicit or expressed expectations; no ‘hey, watch what you’re saying young lady’ apprehension with them. No guilt trip, plain and simple. They are family and yet they are not.
So what are they? They are simply, heavenly, amazingly called girlfriends – kindred souls, and life is so much better with them around.

Food for thought: This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.
-- Author Unknown