Such a time as this

All five ladies share the same age. Two celebrated their birthdays in June,
this year. Two just returned home from abroad to spend their
respective vacations with their families in the country.

Everyone goes through a life phase. Birth, childhood, teen life, young adulthood, adulthood, marriage, marriage issues, separation, annulment, empty nest, illness, perimenopause, menopause, old age, the list can go on. Such is life. It is very dynamic. It is constantly moving. We celebrate our victories; we mourn our losses.

The transition is not easy. Even the most flexible person will stagger and stammer for a time while coping with the transition stage. If one goes through it without a hint of difficulty, I would say that person is super human. Invincible perhaps?

The wise advice is to embrace our humanity. Surround ourselves with a supportive and loving group that will commit to see us through in such a time as this. Entrust the life phase to a caring, comforting, and sovereign God.

If and when the transition period happens to us, let us not resist. Let’s glide along and ease the path. If we need to let go of a baggage, confront a tricky issue, give up something, someone, or anything we deemed no longer relevant because of the new life phase, so be it.

This is the best time to critique, evaluate, and assess what’s important and what’s not. What’s “important and urgent” as taught in the time management quadrant of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Personally, with all our preparations, we may still feel challenged when confronted by such a time as this.

Life at seventeen

Why is it that the young ones (read: teenagers) want to grow up fast while the grown men and women, especially in their forties, would like their lives to begin at forty? Funny but true. 

For the young people, it's like life is a race and they want to be on the front seat of things. However, for the forties, life is no longer a race. Life is a pace. There is rhythm and cadence. Such is the beauty of growth and maturity.

At seventeen, my daughter enjoyed her biggest break so far. She is happy, grateful, and blessed. I am, too. She has desired and prayed for an opportunity to come her way, and God granted it.

Ruthie, your life has just begun. 

Blog fun

I admit. I haven’t fully explored the world of blogging yet and its consequent fun. Well, I have other stuff to do in life. Hey, I have responsibilities, too, just like anyone else.
But Monday night up to dawn, I just had the itch er curiosity to visit my two sites and explore.
Oh well, my young topnotch engineer-friend Nino L has enhanced the appearance of http://www.shilohruthie.wordpress.com and did some work on my http://www.simplybelinda.blogspot.com, but Monday night until dawn, I was really able to appreciate – totally – the beauty of blog statistics haha.

It’s magic. I saw the graph of my “readership” on a daily, weekly, monthly and all-time-high basis. I know the origin of my audience – it’s there! From the Philippines to U.S.A., Canada, Australia, U.K. and other parts of the world! Beat that! Even Slovenia! It’s amazing. I almost fell off my seat haha.
Then statistics also showed the number of times my sites have been visited and the number of people reading me. Like a child, I must say I’m delighted.
You see, when I write an article for my newspaper column, the article also appears on my blog sites. Of course I write other stuff when inspiration hits me – I call them moments of brilliance, but in the newspaper world, you wouldn’t actually know how many have read you because a newspaper could transfer hands and pockets?; some would read you; some not.
But on the site, each time you click my page, it’s counted. So it’s accurate and like a child, I’m totally enjoying it.

And proof of that, I’m writing “Blog fun”.
The global paradox has totally benefited me. Thank God for the gift of technology.

October, I remember.

Ever since mother passed away in 2001, I have always made it a point to visit Bohol during her death anniversary on October 4th and birthday on October 5th. That was before father passed away.

This month, I found no inspiration to visit Bohol. Father passed away in December, 2009 and it seems like there is no one to go home to anymore. Life.

Maybe after I have totally healed from the pain of losing father I could look forward to visiting Bohol again during death anniversaries and birthdays. There is always a time and season for everything.

But truly surprises come our way through people. Thursday afternoon, I received a message from PPSC-RTS 12 to provide a lecture on Public Speaking with practicum to Police Officers undergoing their Junior Leadership Course and, of all dates, October 4 and 5! Haha. Serendipity? Divine intervention?

It made me happy. Truly, there is a reason for everything, and a season.

So I will teach.
And this one’s for mother, the educator par excellence.

Life is a cup of coffee

Too simplistic but true. I love coffee. Who doesn’t, anyways? I started loving it in my late thirties though. Talk about late bloomers. But naturally when it affects my sleeping pattern, I reduce the consumption and when insomniac, ban it for awhile. Yes, ban it. It requires discipline to do that, but do that we must if it worsens insomnia.

Then decaffeinated coffee came. Ahh wonderful, now I switched to decaf at home. But even with decaf, I have reduced my consumption compared to my Visayas days.

At Robinson’s, I have tasted the coffee concoctions promoted by the high-end coffee shops there alongside the regular fare offered by the affordable coffee nooks. And I have brought two good friends with me to the affordable coffee nooks recently. In fact, Jet Reyes and hubby, and Sandra Haw have seen me having coffee there with a friend on separate occasions.

But it really doesn’t matter whether it’s expensive or not. Coffee is best shared with a friend, over good conversation. It’s one of the little joys in life just like body massage and facials haha. But the difference with coffee is it is shared with someone. It could be with great friends; clients; or someone you fancy. Ah that’s the trick.

Two weekends past when I wanted to read the news, I went to Cafe Firenzo at SunCity Complex. Since it was a Sunday, it was kinda laidback and not many people were around. It was quiet and I liked it. I read the coffee shop’s provision of national newspaper from beginning to end in total concentration. These are also the times when I want to have coffee alone, most especially when I just need to relax and read. And wonderful thing, I met one of the complex’s incorporators. We had a little chat. That was my first time at Café Firenzo and I enjoyed it.

What’s the bottom line of this short story? There is no bottom line. Coffee is simply enjoyed any which way you like: with friends over stimulating conversation, or by your lonesome digesting the news. It’s as simple as that. After all, life in its simplest terms is just a cup of coffee.

o O o

For the past three Wednesdays, I have attended the fellowship meetings of the Rotary Club of Greater General Santos. I want to thank my good friend Jet Reyes for the patience to invite me.

Actually, she first invited me in 2007 yet but I only attended once then. Hmmm 2007 seemed like ages ago. What do I remember about 2007 the most? Ahh… Never mind. But I remember I had frequent asthma attacks then. It must be a stressful year huh!

Finally this month, after she has patiently invited me since June this year, I came to the fellowship meeting. Her patience really paid off.

I have always believed that there is a right season and perfect timing for everything. Perhaps now is the right season, and the perfect timing.

I want to thank the Greater ladies for the warm welcome each one has extended to me. I appreciate it.

Ms. Petite Veneracion is the club President. The club is open for membership.

o O o

Professor Tony Nacional of the Notre Dame of Dadiangas University, this city, my former MBA classmate invited me to sit as judge in the Mr. & Miss Philippine Society of Information Technology Educators and Philippine Society of Information Technology Students (PSITS)-12 at the Notre Dame of Dadiangas University Covered Court on September 25, 2010.

Tony and I go a long way back to our Masteral days at the then Notre Dame of Dadiangas College (NDDC), now the NDDU. We also served then as Officers of the NDDC Graduate School Student Organization (GSSO). Boy those were fun times! We had lots of activities and amusement while in school. It felt like college life for all of us back then.

I accepted the invitation. Thanks Tony. Mabuhay ka!

o O o

Ms. Carms Laus of the Philippine Public Safety College-Regional Training School (RTS) 12 sent messages last week about my scheduled lecture on Gender and Development (GAD) for Police Officers at RTS 12 this week. The subject is part and parcel of the Junior Leadership Course for Police Officers. It is my time to inspire.

Incidentally, I have also prepared my lecture material for Leadership which is also a subject in the Junior Leadership Course.

In July this year, I applied for accreditation with the Philippine Public Safety College (PPSC)-Police Regional Training School (RTS) 12 and starting August; I have provided lectures on Public Speaking and Gender Sensitivity to Police Trainees. This month, I have been officially accredited by PPSC.

I want to thank the PPSC family for maximizing my life in the areas where I could serve the community best.

o O o

Thursday last week was bonding time with both Engineer Nino who was on day off from his engineering duties at a transmission company in Tacurong City and Melody also of the same company but based in Gen. Santos City.

Like most of our bonding moments, we ate heartily. Whatever shall we do without eating? Melody says Penong has opened in Gen. Santos City. So we drove to locate it. We found it and ate with gusto.

Nino’s visit was timely and very productive as well. He was able to work on my wordpress blog site http://shilohruthie.wordpress.com. When I say “work”, it means he enhanced its appearance; polished the contents; and added features. It really looks very sleek and professional now. He promised to work on my http://simplybelinda.blogspot.com as well.

Thank you Nino. Needless to say, you are the greatest!

o O o

Food for thought: Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence. >Og Mandino

Kindred souls

With high school friends

Is your life filled with kindred spirits? Do you appreciate kindred souls? If your answer to both questions is “yes”, then you are one fortunate human being because with kindred souls, you can never go wrong. Haha I bet you were imagining a fairy tale complete with fairies.
I asked my college best friend Catherine Carmela Consing Taylor who is now based in Canada and who happens to be a very generous Ninang to my son Hezekiah Kit for a possible topic to explore in my column. I requested that the suggestion be light because my head can’t crack heavy stuff at this moment in time. Her reply: “Hmmm...How about importance of good girlfriends? How there are girlfriends who might be far away but still a kindred spirit? Something to do with girlfriends, what do you think?”

And I like it! So let’s attempt to explore the concept of women friends; women bonding; women sharing; women moments and related stuff about women.
Why indeed is girl friendship so essential to women? We can cite several reasons: to feel strengthened; understood and validated; and supported; to be oneself sans inhibitions; to be totally crazy with and not judged or mocked; to have fun; to feel wholly a woman, ad infinitum.
Like for instance my best friend Carmela. We became friends way back in college. I was maid of honor at her wedding in Dumaguete City. Ah Dumaguete. It brings back wonderful memories and Carmela certainly knew about it. Remember those places in your life when you had fun and light moments that stick for a lifetime? I had those moments in Dumaguete and I always smile whenever I remember them. In fact, Kenny G’s Silhouette and Billy Ocean’s The Colour of Love were the songs that captured those moments.

But back to kindred souls, before the onset of modern technology and the internet phenomenon, we kept our relationships with our girlfriends from afar through letters and long distance telephone calls. If they are based elsewhere in the country and our work provides us opportunity to travel, we make sure to visit them and spend time with them. But the most inspired thing is when we share the same city. Then we can set the outings, gigs, bonding and girl talks.
There is always solidarity between or amongst women. But the thing is we must invest time to nurture it. Some women take it for granted that their closest friends are there for them, come hell or high waters. But hey, they are “feeling” beings, too. They also need a call, a text or a girl date to refresh the relationship from time to time. Even computer screens require refreshing huh! And computers can’t even feel. It is not even high-maintenance friendship. Connection could be a peek on how she is doing, a chat over decaf coffee, or simply spending time together, not a tall order, if you ask me.

Since women are emotional beings, they find deep satisfaction from a good talk. For most women, talking is simply therapy. It is inexpensive and yet, very rewarding. As learned people would often say, “Never, underestimate the power of a good talk”. It is cathartic.
I love this line from a book I read a couple of years ago: As a woman, you play different roles. You are a wife; mother; sister; daughter; friend. But lest you forget it, you are a woman, first and foremost. You have needs to be met. You should not neglect that part of your persona. And may I add, if you focus on the rest of your roles but forget the most essential which is the soul of your being, you will falter, because by meeting the essential requirements of your woman nature, you will come out filled and all set to tackle the other roles attached to being a woman.

At home with work friends

Going back to kindred spirits which provide women a sense of balance and solidarity especially during challenging times, when a woman’s girlfriend is going through a tough time in her life – in all areas like not passing the board exam for instance, losing a boyfriend or finding out the husband has a fling or worse paramour, it is so much easier to confide in a friend than a sibling or family. Wonder why.

Disclosure is a breeze when done with a non-relative. Of course, we do not diminish the value of family. Families have their moral ascendancy over the order of things but kindred souls are like an extension of family and yet, there is no felt tension; no implicit or expressed expectations; no ‘hey, watch what you’re saying young lady’ apprehension with them. No guilt trip, plain and simple. They are family and yet they are not.
So what are they? They are simply, heavenly, amazingly called girlfriends – kindred souls, and life is so much better with them around.

Food for thought: This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.
-- Author Unknown

Poignant, class, elegant

July 3rd, Saturday, I attended Julie Pearl’s (a.k.a. July) debut at a newly renovated hotel in Gen. Santos City. I must say the new look of the hotel is appealing to the eyes. There are still nooks and corners for improvement but the appeal is already there. Nice touch.

Poignant, class, elegant. That’s how I simply describe the affair. Intimate with only family, relatives, and closest friends present; simple because they stuck to the most important rituals; class because it simply is! and one can see that the family most especially the mother Pearl exerted everything within her human powers to achieve her desired perfection to honor her first daughter (Ah whatever shall we do without mothers!); elegant because most everyone came dressed up. Question: why is it so class to see people come dressed up for a special event?

I tagged along my high school classmate Ma. Theresa “Maritess” Cabido who has resided in Pagadian City for many years now and who paid me a welcome visit last week. We had wonderful bonding time. I drove her around the city. We went to my favorite place Isla Parilla for an afternoon refreshment peppered with lots of pictorial at the picturesque Isla Parilla. By Friday night, we also toured the newest bar here to sample band music.

Maritess said the intimacy was an offshoot of the close relationships that each guest had for each other. Everyone was like family. I saw that working that night. There was no barrier; no aloofness. It was simply magic: everyone sharing light and fun moments with each other; creating perfect memories. Hmmm perfect memories.

So what’s a Philippine debut anyway? According to Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, “the Philippine Debut is a cultural tradition of the Filipino people.[1] It is a coming-of-age celebration for Philippine women that are somewhat reminiscent of the Spanish tradition of the "Quinceanera" celebration. The difference between the Spanish Quinceanera and the Philippine Debut is the age at which the celebration takes place. The Philippine debut celebrates a woman entering into her 18th year, while the Spanish Quinceanera takes place on a young lady's 15th birthday.

On their 18th birthday, Philippine women throw a large party, complete with her own hand-picked debut court of 18 people. These 18 are 9 males and 9 females whom the celebrant pairs off into partners. The celebrant's court usually wears a uniform formal outfit chosen by the celebrant similar to that of a wedding party, while the celebrant typically wears an extravagant ball gown.

The birthday celebrant along with her partner and court perform traditional debut dances for their guests. The most important dance that the celebrant and her court perform is known as the "Grand Cotillion Dance" which is usually a classic waltz. There is also an "18 Roses Dance" where 18 males picked by the celebrant dance with her after presenting her with a single red rose. This dance is almost always preceded by the memorable "Father and Daughter Dance".

During the celebration, the debutante also has 18 chosen "candles". These "candles" are females who know the celebrant and must give a short speech on either their relationship with the celebrant and/or any special birthday wishes they have for their celebrant. After all the food, entertainment, and Philippine Debut traditions for this wonderful occasion have gone under way, the celebrant brings the celebration to a close with a Debutante's speech in which she shares her life experience and gratitude with her beloved guests.”

But naturally, the imagination and creativity of the organizer or team of organizers would play a major role in the conceptualization and execution of the entire event. Like in July’s case, she did away with the Cotillion dance. She kept the “18 Roses Dance” and “18 Candles Birthday Wish” complete with a goblet of red wine each. She also had the “Treasures”. Obviously, I liked this part the most, because I was one of those giving out the “Treasures”.

While watching the entire proceeding, Maritess and I were exchanging knowing looks. Her eldest daughter, second child in the family, is already into first year college. That means she will turn eighteen next year. My daughter is fourteen. Hmmm still four years to go though. But seeing the marked joy during the occasion, one can’t help but think of one’s daughter. So poignant indeed.

I was thinking maybe we should do away with all the teen birthdays starting thirteen up to seventeen so we can have a big one when our daughters turn eighteen. Nah. Dream on.

Kids love to share their birthdays with friends at any given age, hence, we still celebrate little or big ones for them before they turn eighteen. Nonetheless, if it makes them happy and we can afford it, let us grant them the little joys. But if times are not so cooperative, we can always explain. After all, didn’t we all go through the same age and live through it with or without the big or little celebrations? And didn’t we turn out just fine? Aha!

But going back to debut, I really think that each Filipino family should preserve this beautiful culture. Like Pearl’s parents, we can start saving six months earlier or a year ahead by setting aside a target fund every month. By the birth month, our target amount would have been reached and we could now execute our dream debut.

But like I said, let’s make it elegant and simple. The two can blend together perfectly. Put all the essentials; do away with extravagant and lavish rituals. Most importantly, allow the debutante and her friends to enjoy the dance floor after all the rituals have been carried out. If your program drags on, everybody becomes weary and by the time dancing begins, everyone has gone home. So just let the teenagers have their moment of fun and dancing for the night. Let them be carefree and uninhibited. After all, the whole squad, I mean family, is around to monitor them haha. No escape for the night.

Maritess asked if I had my debut, too. I said, yes I had mine but it was just a party with friends my age, you know childhood, high school and college friends combined. There was food and lots of dancing. There were no rituals. Hmmm I missed that. But I had fun that night. I guess my tastes had stuck through the years: simple needs; simple joys.

And so my dearest July, as you create your perfect memories to last you a lifetime, you hit the mark right by thanking your parents first. When we are young, our parents by wisdom of age (hey! I didn’t say old), know what is best for us. When we grow older (in wisdom), God will ascertain that point in time when we shall be able to tell our parents what is best for them. Trust me, it will come.

Carry on, Girl!

Beauty comes with age

1. My certified fashionista girl friend Cecile encouraged me to write about fashion, beauty and love. Ah what a tall order.

Fashion requires research. Beauty requires reading. But love, ah that’s tricky.

I promised her I will think about it. I do not want to sound vain by discussing the subject matter from my own perspective. But she nonchalantly said, “Why not gorgeous?” Indeed why not?

So let us attempt to unravel the subject matter as light and easy as possible. First, sleep. Some people say they only need four to six hours of sleep a day and off they go to the next activity. Let us describe that as living life on the edge. But most people do not fancy living life on the edge. We are not cut out for that. For some, there may be a great need to sleep less but still, your body will eventually find a way to recover lost sleep.

Well personally, I can’t be sharp with four to six hours of sleep. I need to sleep eight hours a day to feel fully rested, sharp and alert. Deprive me of regular sleep and I turn very dull, lacking focus and cranky. I can’t lack focus with the kind of work I do.

If I incur sleep debt (lack of sleep) the previous night, I need to make up for that loss the following day in order to feel rested. That’s sleep for me. It is vital.

Second, diet. Discipline is the key. Well, my discipline started a long way back from college so it is not very tough for me to keep it. Do not overeat. Naturally your genetic make-up is a big factor working for you: both my parents were slim people but it also helped tremendously that I watched my food intake. I do not overindulge.

In the past, I do not drink as much water as eight glasses a day but when I was assigned in Cebu City for eight months, I developed the habit of drinking several glasses of water every day. I lost count of the number of glasses actually. All I can say is it is good for the body; flushes out the toxins.

And now the vain part, for body cellulite which we all start to develop as we grow older, I used Avon anti-cellulite for nearly three years. I alternated it with Avon body sculpt. Middle of last year however, I found out that Nivea introduced the anti-cellulite gel. Since I had no more Avon lady-contact in Cebu City, I shifted to Nivea. And it has been a very good substitute. I even stuck to it until now.

Exercise. Dance. It is very good exercise.

In Cebu, I was looking for ballroom dancing lessons. However, the classes were provided at Abellana National High School in downtown Cebu and my previous office was located in Talamban. The distance is like Gen. Santos City-proper to Calumpang or Tambler and the traffic is heavy in the afternoons so I did not pursue it.

However, you can dance at home. I used to dance at home for three years until I got tired of it and moved on to treadmill exercise which I only did for less than a year. Some inspiration huh! No luck in the exercise department. So I just clean the house by the weekend for exercise. Then when I bought my car, I wash the car every weekend for exercise. You see my simple notion of exercise is sweating. Many would disagree of course. But like I said, it is my simple notion.

In Bohol when I visit during the weekends while I was assigned in Cebu, we usually go out to dance. Emcy, my sister Charmaine who was vacationing for three months from the U.S. then, Warly and I go out just to dance. You see, we belong to the generation that really loves dancing for fun. Try it. You will forget all your worries and have fun as well. You will sweat and that serves the purpose.

Skin. Plenty of good skin comes from genes. But enhancing it could be achieved through the use of lotions. Don’t laugh now but I have used Johnson’s Baby Lotion for the longest time ever. I do not use fancy lotions; just the simple and time-tested JBL.

And may I add, please do not change the color of your skin. Enjoy the skin you are born in.

Face hmmm. Tricky subject. When I reached my thirties, the freckles started to come out. But since I’m not fair-skinned, I was not so concerned about it. Freckles come with age. Aha. For the face, I use alternately Oil of Olay and Ponds. I tried Celeteque for some time but I always returned to Oil of Olay. We always return to our first love huh! Oh well, just find the product that suits you best. But please, do not experiment with products that are not tested by BFAD or risk destroying your face.

For women in their forties, be generous with moisturizers.

And another good tip for women in their forties. Use lip gloss generously. I read that from a fashion magazine. Women in their forties should use lip gloss.

As for clothes, well, if you are in your forties, I bet you have set your fashion statement. Accentuate the assets. Show off that lovely pair of legs. Emphasize those killer hips, as my pilot-friend said. Expose those slim shoulders. Accessorize that long neck. Dress up; dress down depending on the occasion.

Invest in good jeans. Your wardrobe must include jeans that flatter your body shape, whatever shape it is. I learned this tip from a fashion magazine and it really makes sense.

And here’s what I like best. Wear shorts when doing groceries. It’s very comfy and you definitely look cool. Trust me. You will enjoy doing groceries in shorts. Push your carts in your cool shorts at Robinson’s.

Invest in accessories. They are trendy and will last long. I’m not a watch person but I have some wrist and arm pieces courtesy of my fashionista sister Charmaine. She gave them all to me and I enjoy wearing them. Who would not when they are free huh!

Wear heels. Find heels that will not kill you. Wedge shoes are good for your feet and legs. They do not hurt.

Read, read, read and read some more. Nothing is more appealing than a woman who has a mind of her own. Oh yes, you can appear intimidating as well, but hey that comes with the territory. Just ask the nearest man around.

Hair. Ah I love to color my hair. I usually do it twice or thrice a year. It depends on my inspiration. I do it myself when I feel like it. When I feel like splurging, I go to the beauty salon. Try experimenting with colors. If it is your first time to color, I suggest you try the more conservative shades. Just buy a good product in the market, follow the instructions and voila, you have that new look!

Here’s another tip, if your eyes hurt and you need eyeglasses, wear one. Stop fidgeting and being conscious about wearing them; they do not bite. Some women I know tell me it is inconvenient to wear eyeglasses. They say eyeglasses make them look old; and the like. But hey, what is the real score? You need them; wear them. It is as simple as that. No fuss. Invest in a good pair of eyeglasses and just wear them.

For pampering, indulge in facials from time to time. I say occasionally because it could become expensive if done regularly. But if you have the extra budget, go for it. After all, it’s all about you occasionally. Yes, there must be a time when “it’s all about you”.

And to complete the story, I have discovered for over two years now that complete body massage not only relaxes me but more effectively, minimizes my premenstrual syndrome or PMS. I finally found the therapy! And so I am now a believer of monthly complete body massage.

So you see beauty is not about products. Products enhance yes, but beauty is all about knowing yourself. “Know thyself” according to at least six ancient Greek sages, is the best way of keeping your beauty about you.

Comments are welcome at belca.87@gmail.com.