Such a time as this

All five ladies share the same age. Two celebrated their birthdays in June,
this year. Two just returned home from abroad to spend their
respective vacations with their families in the country.

Everyone goes through a life phase. Birth, childhood, teen life, young adulthood, adulthood, marriage, marriage issues, separation, annulment, empty nest, illness, perimenopause, menopause, old age, the list can go on. Such is life. It is very dynamic. It is constantly moving. We celebrate our victories; we mourn our losses.

The transition is not easy. Even the most flexible person will stagger and stammer for a time while coping with the transition stage. If one goes through it without a hint of difficulty, I would say that person is super human. Invincible perhaps?

The wise advice is to embrace our humanity. Surround ourselves with a supportive and loving group that will commit to see us through in such a time as this. Entrust the life phase to a caring, comforting, and sovereign God.

If and when the transition period happens to us, let us not resist. Let’s glide along and ease the path. If we need to let go of a baggage, confront a tricky issue, give up something, someone, or anything we deemed no longer relevant because of the new life phase, so be it.

This is the best time to critique, evaluate, and assess what’s important and what’s not. What’s “important and urgent” as taught in the time management quadrant of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Personally, with all our preparations, we may still feel challenged when confronted by such a time as this.

Celebrate the life phase you're in

Everyone goes through a life phase. We start with infancy, childhood, teenage, young adult, adult, the forties, fifties, sixties, and old age. 

Much has been written about the forties. The famous line that captures the imagination is: “Life begins at forty.” I wonder why. It is really no wonder. Forties is the life phase where an individual is supposed to know himself better if not, best. Let’s take the perspective of a woman (no offense meant to the male readers) of my column. She knows her strengths and weaknesses at this age. She is equipped to manage both. This is also the phase when a mom’s kids are either teenagers or fully grownup. Now she has sufficient free time to pursue a dream, an interest, a hobby, return to school, join an advocacy, be active in church, and the like. Well lady, don’t expect full support from the people around you. Some will even criticize you. It’s normal. Just press on and pursue that aspiration. Along the way, you will meet people who will be more supportive and inspired by your pursuit. Eventually, your critics will transform into admirers and believers. They will start appreciating your dogged determination. What is life without critics anyway? Critics make us human. Critics make us humble.

           

 If it is not our habit to evaluate every life phase we’re in, let us start now. The assessment process will enable us to appreciate the good stuff and evaluate the bad stuff. The bad stuff becomes the lessons that we grow from.

Some people will face a crisis upon reaching their forties. This is the phase where personal and professional insecurities and inadequacies come out and are most prominent. If we do not talk about it and simply ignore it, I guarantee our world shrinks, we feel choked, and ultimately swallowed. Thus, it is important that we keep a strong support system that understands what we are going through. We need a confidante or two to listen to our woes, pray with us and for us.

For the sixties and above, this is the phase where our folks need our love, care, and attention. They want to feel loved and needed. If our folks are still alive, we should exert effort to visit them often, spend time with them, and celebrate life with them. Family rituals are very important to old folks. We should make them feel a part of our life.

           

For the techie-savvy teenagers, we must be cool moms and dads to them. I have heard so many mothers and fathers complain about the behaviour of the young nowadays and they blame it on the environment and the ubiquitous internet. I can empathize. How can a parent compete with the pervasive internet? It is quite a challenge to become a cool parent in this day and age. The key is good old-fashioned values. I strongly believe in embedding good old-fashioned values in parenting. When kids appreciate positive values at a young age, this value system will stay with them until old age. They will probably deviate from time to time, but they never disregard it. Good old-fashioned values become their beacon to stay on the path, and return to it, if and when they stray.

           

This is only a glimpse of the phases we go through in life. You may be going through your own unique life phase right now. Embrace the moment. Do not limit God. Maximize the experience. Jot down the gems. Discard the garbage. Keep a brave heart to go through the trying and difficult times. Celebrate the good times. Above all, possess a grateful heart. With gratitude attitude, you can never go wrong.

There's something about Daisy

How delightful! My friends are getting younger haha. That’s what one gets when one enrolls in law school. One particular young friend of mine is Daisy. Daisy is the quiet type who scores high. She reads and punishes herself to read more to prepare for an exam. I wished I had that dogged determination. I call her topnotcher because she oftentimes scores highest during exams.

Of course, she is the product of great genes. Her parents are both actively engaged in the legal profession.

I will be missing Daisy. In the landscape of our lives, the stars will always align to enable us to meet new people to stretch us and expand us. Friendship is one sure way of expanding our lives. Never ever doubt for a moment that the friendships you build will go unrewarded. For friendship itself is the best reward.

Daisy Girl, fret not, the stars will always align for both of us. 

Life at seventeen

Why is it that the young ones (read: teenagers) want to grow up fast while the grown men and women, especially in their forties, would like their lives to begin at forty? Funny but true. 

For the young people, it's like life is a race and they want to be on the front seat of things. However, for the forties, life is no longer a race. Life is a pace. There is rhythm and cadence. Such is the beauty of growth and maturity.

At seventeen, my daughter enjoyed her biggest break so far. She is happy, grateful, and blessed. I am, too. She has desired and prayed for an opportunity to come her way, and God granted it.

Ruthie, your life has just begun. 

Sunday at the mall

Sunday at the mall, I met an old acquaintance.

She approached me and asked about the condition of an old friend. We got to talking. Then she shared about her intent to leave her job after twenty long years. She wanted to rest. I said, go. Execute that plan. You've worked hard and long, you deserve to lie low for a while. She naturally had apprehensions most especially that her well-meaning friends encouraged her to wait out for another five years or so. She explained that she's not keen on anchoring her decision on money. I said, right. I support your decision to rest.

Why am I supportive? Because she has thought well and hard about it. She has prepared for it.

Leaving a well-paying job entails a radical life change. These adjustments are part and parcel of the package. Bring the entire family into the plan so they will understand the upcoming changes and be ready to adjust, as well.

Everybody deserves a break. She has worked for twenty years. Surely, her well-deserved break is not so hard to grant.

She can do consultancy on the side so she won't get bored. She can do mentoring. There are a lot of things she can do given her experience, caliber, and professional track record.

Like I always say, everyone will approach a life phase. It is disconcerting, unnerving and scary. However, if the ultimate reason is health, we should totally support. After all, health is the greatest wealth. 

Lady, I support you. Go enter that new life phase. Make God your banner.

Food for thought:

They're different kinds of challenges depending upon what phase of life I'm in. - Alanis Morissette

Do it now! can affect every phase of your life. It can help you do the things you should do but don't feel like doing. It can keep you from procrastinating when an unpleasant duty faces you. But it can also help you do those things that you want to do. It helps you seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved. - Napoleon Hill