Loyalty is a virtue

After a day’s bonding with the daughter Sunday, we proceeded to a new shopping complex in the city. It’s a little exploration for her since she just returned to Bohol last week.

She had organic ice cream from The Buzz. We sat on the corner bench provided for The Buzz’s spa clients. A few minutes later, I had Batchoy at Binalot. It’s the food shop where everything you eat has to be wrapped in banana leaves. But the Batchoy was not wrapped huh!

Anyways, as I was relishing my Batchoy ala Boholano with gusto, it rained harder. Shiloh and I watched the rain as well. We absorbed everything in our present environment. In simpler terms, we tuned it. A utility man was busy mopping the wet floor. Customers from the complex hurriedly got inside their vehicles but were afraid to get wet. I thought they could have waited for the rains to stop. Wishful thinking. More cars arriving. The rain didn’t stop.

Then the head security officer (he looks the part) approached the utility man who was mopping the floor. I remember the guy from my high school days. I didn’t forget the face. I then narrated to Shiloh how I remember the guy. I told her the guy has been serving this business establishment since I was in high school. He used to wear the blue security guard uniform back then. Shiloh responded by saying, “talk to him Ma”. I rose to the challenge. I called him and said, Sir I remember you from my high school days. You were serving their original store. He smiled broadly and said, yes Ma’am; I have served this company for 35 years. I was 19 when I started working here and now I have produced an Engineer who works at Panglao Island Nature Resort; a Nurse who works at a local hospital, and a CPA. The company helped me educate them, he added. He was beaming with joy and pride as he shared his story. He said the bosses helped him. I also met my girlfriend who eventually became my wife at the same company, he further explained.

He asked, you do remember me Ma’am? I said yes. He looked glad I did.

We spoke about how city folks used to watch movies at the old movie houses located on the second floor of the original business arcade. In those days, those were the only air-conditioned movie houses. Boy, I remember the days.

Thirty five years is no small feat. It is loyalty etched in the heart and mind of this simple man. What an inspiring story.

That’s Roque Yana. His story is worth emulating.

Celebrate the life phase you're in

Everyone goes through a life phase. We start with infancy, childhood, teenage, young adult, adult, the forties, fifties, sixties, and old age. 

Much has been written about the forties. The famous line that captures the imagination is: “Life begins at forty.” I wonder why. It is really no wonder. Forties is the life phase where an individual is supposed to know himself better if not, best. Let’s take the perspective of a woman (no offense meant to the male readers) of my column. She knows her strengths and weaknesses at this age. She is equipped to manage both. This is also the phase when a mom’s kids are either teenagers or fully grownup. Now she has sufficient free time to pursue a dream, an interest, a hobby, return to school, join an advocacy, be active in church, and the like. Well lady, don’t expect full support from the people around you. Some will even criticize you. It’s normal. Just press on and pursue that aspiration. Along the way, you will meet people who will be more supportive and inspired by your pursuit. Eventually, your critics will transform into admirers and believers. They will start appreciating your dogged determination. What is life without critics anyway? Critics make us human. Critics make us humble.

           

 If it is not our habit to evaluate every life phase we’re in, let us start now. The assessment process will enable us to appreciate the good stuff and evaluate the bad stuff. The bad stuff becomes the lessons that we grow from.

Some people will face a crisis upon reaching their forties. This is the phase where personal and professional insecurities and inadequacies come out and are most prominent. If we do not talk about it and simply ignore it, I guarantee our world shrinks, we feel choked, and ultimately swallowed. Thus, it is important that we keep a strong support system that understands what we are going through. We need a confidante or two to listen to our woes, pray with us and for us.

For the sixties and above, this is the phase where our folks need our love, care, and attention. They want to feel loved and needed. If our folks are still alive, we should exert effort to visit them often, spend time with them, and celebrate life with them. Family rituals are very important to old folks. We should make them feel a part of our life.

           

For the techie-savvy teenagers, we must be cool moms and dads to them. I have heard so many mothers and fathers complain about the behaviour of the young nowadays and they blame it on the environment and the ubiquitous internet. I can empathize. How can a parent compete with the pervasive internet? It is quite a challenge to become a cool parent in this day and age. The key is good old-fashioned values. I strongly believe in embedding good old-fashioned values in parenting. When kids appreciate positive values at a young age, this value system will stay with them until old age. They will probably deviate from time to time, but they never disregard it. Good old-fashioned values become their beacon to stay on the path, and return to it, if and when they stray.

           

This is only a glimpse of the phases we go through in life. You may be going through your own unique life phase right now. Embrace the moment. Do not limit God. Maximize the experience. Jot down the gems. Discard the garbage. Keep a brave heart to go through the trying and difficult times. Celebrate the good times. Above all, possess a grateful heart. With gratitude attitude, you can never go wrong.

The light turned red

       Interesting discussion I had with my teenagers. We attended a funeral mass this morning in honor of their grandmother. Following the mass, we tagged along the hearse.

      

      While stopping on a red light, my teenagers who were talking about the number of people who paid their last respects to their grandmother suddenly said, what if you died Mi (short for Mommy)? You will have throng of people paying their last respects for you. My other teenager said, yes, the Army and Police will be there including those you have served. Then, my other teenager said, maybe they will honor you with a 21-gun salute.

      

      I said maybe. However, I will be buried in Bohol. If I’m here at the time of death, I will have some days for funeral here but I have to be buried in Bohol. However, if I’m in Bohol at the time of death, I won’t be brought here anymore.

      

Then, the green light went on, and the drive continued.

      

I think that the way I openly talked about death with my teenagers have allowed them to look at death differently. It’s not something that we should be afraid of. It’s a natural occurrence of life.

 Food for thought: I've told my children that when I die, to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated. For me, death is a graduation. - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Total faith

Last week I was working on the requirements for a new job. It was stressful. Thank God Hezekiah Kit was there to assist me. When all was emailed, I was relieved. And yet, I needed something else to do to bust the stress. What would you know? I hit inspiration. I installed Christmas décor haha. I did so with gusto. After the task was completed, I felt so much better. Stress busted with a bonus to boot: I enjoyed the Christmas lights. Whatever shall we do without the trappings of Christmas huh!

o o o

Yes, it is an online job. I do Editorial work for a Hong Kong-based company. It is home-based. Isn’t that cool? I’m now in BPO as Jan Ced aptly said. BPO is Business Process Outsourcing. Guess where I met Jan Ced? You will never guess. At the quaint barber shop again. Whatever shall we do without barber shops! I was there Sunday afternoon to accompany my teenager. It was time for his haircut.

o o o

Over the weekend, we had guests at home. Teenagers. It was the regular sleepover night of the “sleepover gang” at home haha. Hey, it isn’t the mafia. The gang consists of Hezekiah’s friends way back from high school. I observed them up close and personal, and I feel happy for them. Their closeness has seen them through many highs and lows in life. They stick together and help each other. I can imagine them graduating from college and still sticking together. You know how it is with our high school friends; we never cut the umbilical cords. We stick together; stand by each other. I’m happy for these young people. They are very smart teenagers and they take their education seriously. Their only weakness apart from eating and dancing, is watching home movies haha. As a parent, I am honored that my house is a regular host of the sleepover gang.

o o o

Last week also, my good friend, my esteemed former colleague Betty Martinez from Zamboanga City was in Gen. Santos City for business. She was billeted at East Asia Royale Hotel. I paid her a visit and we chatted forever. Well, not forever. I had to leave by midnight (not because I’m Cinderilla-like) since I still had work to do the following day. It has been over two years since we last saw each other. That long! But since we always spoke on the phone, it seemed like we just saw each other last month haha. Must be the magic of technology huh!

Anyway, I liked the look and feel of Betty’s room at East Asia Royale Hotel. I see that renovations have been done. In 2008, during a corporate training, we spent the night at the same hotel. The rooms were carpeted then. I have trouble with carpets. It triggers the asthma. Last week, I was glad when I entered the room. It was no longer carpeted and it had a totally breezy new look. Kudos Rombar Bartolome.

The room reminded me of Smallville 21 in Iloilo City: brand new with brand new furniture and fixtures. And very spacious, too. For more information about East Asia Royale Hotel, please visit their web site: http://www.eastasiaroyalehotel.com/

o o o

Two weeks back, I was talking to someone who knew that her life could end anytime soon. I marveled at her acceptance and total surrender. She is already at peace with herself. She is at peace with her God. She went through a lot of ordeal these past several months and the experience has taught her total surrender and acceptance.

I wonder how we will deal with our own mortality when it is being challenged by a major illness. It’s not easy. It will be a great struggle. Our personal and professional training teaches us how to survive and overcome. But when a major illness visits us, what then?

I have seen how this lady has put her total faith in the Creator. It just amazes me how peaceful and pretty she looks like she is not sick at all. I offered to drive her home after our conversation. We talked some more. Hmmm life.

Lesson of the story: Let’s count our blessings. Enjoy what we have. Be grateful each single day. Continue loving and praying. Above all, keep the faith.

           

Soul of the city

Friday evening, my teenager and I were invited to a birthday party of a foreign exchange student at a family-owned resort in Lagao, this city. The birthday girl Aurore (yes, she is French) is the foster daughter of Vice Mayor Shirlyn Banas-Nograles and hubby.

It was my second party with Vice Mayor Shirlyn. The first party I attended where I met her for the first time was at couple Glenn and Mary Jane Aroso’s birthday party in honour of their eldest son Brian in August, this year.

Last Friday, Vice Mayor Shirlyn and I talked about all and sundry including the recent Tuna Festival which is celebrated yearly for a couple of years now to commemorate the charter anniversary of the city.

She went to school at UP-Visayas in Iloilo for her college education and while she was there, she imbibed the culture of the province. I grew up in Bohol where the classic Boholano culture and heritage is very strong and intertwined into our psyche. Using the culture lens, we observed one thing in common: Both these Visayan Islands with grand and popular festivals to boot are deeply rooted in culture and history. You see, every city, every province has a soul. This soul is defined in the city’s or province’s history, heritage and culture. Anyone who originates from any city or province must know her history, her heritage, her uniqueness. It’s simply called the “soul of the city”.

While at it, we talked about how the Generals especially the younger ones – the children and teenagers who will eventually become grownups – can fully embrace the significance of the Tuna Festival. We were not talking about parades and street dances, nor the buntings and colourful banners; we meant how we can translate the festivity into a sustainable foundation-laying program that people can understand, appreciate, imbibe and embrace and eventually embed into their consciousness as a growing heritage. It is the young people’s birthright. Like peace education, the program never ends. It never stops. It cuts across cultures, religions, genders, ages and politics. It doesn’t start and end with the festival per se. It is cultural and historical, thus it is continuous and digs deep into the roots of the city.

It is a daunting task considering that Gen. Santos City is a melting pot of many cultures. How to start a distinct culture extracted from this myriad of cultures for the benefit of the young generation is the greatest challenge for festival thinkers and culture experts in the city. It should go beyond commerce and trade. It must be rooted in the culture and heritage that we are trying to bequeath on our children and the future generation – their birthright.

Festivals are a celebration of a place’s culture, tradition and heritage. When we celebrate it, everyone, young and old alike must have an idea why we are celebrating. The celebration must be rooted in the soul of the city.

Food for thought:

A nation’s culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people. – Mohandas Gandhi

A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots. – Marcus Garvey 


http://iloilocity.gov.ph/iloiloct2011wip/

Stage mom 101

Contrary to common belief and stereotype thinking, being a stage mom is no mean thing. It is not bad, nasty, aggressively loud, troublemaker or winning-whatever-it-takes. Perhaps that definition is the accepted description or stereotype label. Society is all agog about stereotypes anyways. But in essence, being a stage mom is the greatest thing a mom or parent could ever experience in a teenager’s life.

For me, stage mom is being a professional coach – life coach if you wish; image consultant; speech and language adviser; morale booster; facilitator; positive critic rolled into one. That is the essence of a stage mother. No emotional drama; no gimmick.

A stage mom doesn’t interfere with event requirements, rules and processes. But if these requirements disadvantage the well-being of her teenager, then she speaks. If the requirements exploit, embarrass, humiliate and harass her teenager, then she sets her foot down. You didn’t raise your child well only to be exploited, embarrassed, humiliated and harassed by others. That’s a big no-no.

A stage mom coaches her teenager to maximize his life; have fun and enjoy the experience. After all, the experience is exclusive for that precise moment. It is unique. It will not come back. The future experiences will be different. So just live in and embrace the moment. And most importantly, to assure him that winning is a bonus.

A stage mom sits quietly in one corner together with the rest of the make-up artists. She sees and watches the seemingly surreal but real scene of gay make-up artists taking care of their wards. She enjoys their bonding; camaraderie; quiet competition and even nasty and rude barbs. At times, she even witnesses the gays quarrelling over some minor but annoying event rules. It’s all part of the drama called “behind the scenes”. But mostly, the stage mom revels in the gay lingo openly spoken at the backstage. Haha it is fun listening to gay speak. It is totally amusing.

As consultant, your instincts are sharp. When you sense that your teenager is losing steam, you reinforce him with encouraging words. You are his steady rock when his nerves go awry. You are his soothing voice when someone throws a punch that causes him to lose his balance. You talk perspective when he starts to get myopic. You remind him of the bigger picture when things get hazy. All this and more; that’s the role of a stage mom. It’s not easy but it’s cool. And best of all, you get the admiration from the rest of the young people who observe your quiet demeanor and self-effacing involvement in the event. They come to you openly to state their appreciation wow! It is good for the heart. Totally!

So, who says that being a stage mom is bad?

On the contrary, it’s the coolest thing ever. And the greatest reward is when your teenager is declared a winner. That is beyond cool haha.

Food for thought: When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! -Laurie Anderson

So you've got teenagers

Teenagers have a language all their own. It’s like their world. It’s their lingo. So as parents, how do we connect to them?

First, we speak their language. Well, we can’t learn all that fast. We will stammer around a few words but our teenagers will appreciate the effort. Allow them to educate you. And then, there’s the matter of teenage style and music. At home, I had to learn K-Pop from my two teenagers and sing along with them as they listen to their favorite tunes. How else did I know and appreciate the latest music if I didn’t hear them play the guitar or roll the drums while listening to their favorite tunes? Then there’s their fashion sense. They have their fashion icons as well. And they will laugh at ours back when we were teenagers. It is very important that parents are sensitive to their teenagers’ needs as the latter try to establish or assert their identity and individuality. Who discovered individuality anyways? Just asking.
Face it, eventually your kids will leave you. But before they do, they need to build self-confidence, self-esteem, and most importantly, their identity.

Talk to your teenagers. My teenagers and I are always talking. They love to talk and I love to listen. Most times, they want me to talk and they listen. My daughter would often say, “Mi, tell me about your young life”. They share their aspirations; fears; insecurities; angst; frustrations; anger; pain and joy with me. It’s no big deal that we talk because we really do. And boy they love to talk with a parent listening! We always make sure that meal time is chat time. That’s right: meal time is chat time.

Let’s face it, we can’t be perfect. Who’s perfect anyway? But we can work around an arrangement that suits us all. Me, I always desire for my kids to grow in experience and exposure like every parent does. So I allow them to travel as often as possible. Last summer, Shiloh Ruthie flew to Iloilo City by her lonesome. Her summers were regularly spent in Bohol when father was still alive but with father gone, it seemed that her interest to spend summers in Bohol has waned. But who knows? She may just study in Tagbilaran City when she enters college next year. That will be the day. In fact, my late father wrote a column about Shiloh’s summer visits in Bohol in The Sunday Post when father was still alive. Shiloh and I read that. It was very touching and poignant. We will never know how much our parents or grandparents appreciate our visits and acts of kindness until we read them written in words.

Last July, Hezekiah Kit took land, air, and sea transports just to reach Bohol. What a trip! He was physically drained and stressed by the time he reached our residence in Tagbilaran City, but I think the experience was worth it. Imagine his route: Gen. Santos City to Davao City by bus; Davao City-Cebu City by plane; Cebu City to Tubigon, Bohol by boat and then Tubigon wharf to our Tagbilaran City residence by private vehicle. And he did all of these in just one day whew! Super kid huh! I can imagine the stress.

As parents, there are plenty of occasions that we need to set our foot down. During these trying moments, we must, without hesitation. No exceptions. Like using the internet and watching TV. Teenagers nowadays don’t read anymore. They don’t know what they’re missing. Reading aids comprehension and increases vocabulary. Look at the way they text? It’s upsetting. They deliberately misspell and then they get confused about the right spelling.

Teenagers have different needs and parents must rise up to the challenge. What’s important is teenagers have an avenue where they can totally express themselves and feel totally accepted and understood. That’s the main function of the home – a safety net for teenagers to express themselves.

It’s not easy being a teenager. But it’s not easy being a parent either. Like they say, there’s no college course or higher study for Parenting 101. Parenting is practical wisdom, possessing a big heart, sustaining unconditional love, practicing total acceptance, extending full support, engaging in lengthy conversations and constant disciplining rolled into one. Sometimes we miss; sometimes we score. It’s a continuing learning process. Just don’t give up being a parent. Talk to other parents and be strengthened in the process. Do not abnegate your role and participation in raising your teenagers. They are looking at you for guidance, direction and discipline. They may not say it but it’s wired in their system that guidance, direction and discipline come from parents. So discipline and correct with gentleness. Be firm but not harsh. Parents have a tendency to be harsh when correcting. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most parents do. I have a tendency to be harsh myself. Well, when we do, let us just speak to our teenagers when heads are cooler and discuss the issue at hand. Ventilate, ventilate, ventilate. Talk, talk, talk. Parenting is a great responsibility and challenge. When I say challenge, I mean all including feeding, clothing, educating, sustaining their needs, teaching and molding, and allowing them to grow at the same time. Raising them well is a parent’s greatest reward.

It’s not honeymoon all the time. There will be bad times but at the end of the day when they express how much they love you in many subtle ways including verbalizing their thoughts and feelings; and show you how much respect they have for you and what you speak of, then you can pat yourself on the shoulder and say, “My cup runneth over”.

 Food for thought: "No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure." - Emma Goldman