Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay ‘corners’ Sec. Ricky Carandang in House

Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay ‘corners’ Sec. Ricky Carandang in House

So you've got teenagers

Teenagers have a language all their own. It’s like their world. It’s their lingo. So as parents, how do we connect to them?

First, we speak their language. Well, we can’t learn all that fast. We will stammer around a few words but our teenagers will appreciate the effort. Allow them to educate you. And then, there’s the matter of teenage style and music. At home, I had to learn K-Pop from my two teenagers and sing along with them as they listen to their favorite tunes. How else did I know and appreciate the latest music if I didn’t hear them play the guitar or roll the drums while listening to their favorite tunes? Then there’s their fashion sense. They have their fashion icons as well. And they will laugh at ours back when we were teenagers. It is very important that parents are sensitive to their teenagers’ needs as the latter try to establish or assert their identity and individuality. Who discovered individuality anyways? Just asking.
Face it, eventually your kids will leave you. But before they do, they need to build self-confidence, self-esteem, and most importantly, their identity.

Talk to your teenagers. My teenagers and I are always talking. They love to talk and I love to listen. Most times, they want me to talk and they listen. My daughter would often say, “Mi, tell me about your young life”. They share their aspirations; fears; insecurities; angst; frustrations; anger; pain and joy with me. It’s no big deal that we talk because we really do. And boy they love to talk with a parent listening! We always make sure that meal time is chat time. That’s right: meal time is chat time.

Let’s face it, we can’t be perfect. Who’s perfect anyway? But we can work around an arrangement that suits us all. Me, I always desire for my kids to grow in experience and exposure like every parent does. So I allow them to travel as often as possible. Last summer, Shiloh Ruthie flew to Iloilo City by her lonesome. Her summers were regularly spent in Bohol when father was still alive but with father gone, it seemed that her interest to spend summers in Bohol has waned. But who knows? She may just study in Tagbilaran City when she enters college next year. That will be the day. In fact, my late father wrote a column about Shiloh’s summer visits in Bohol in The Sunday Post when father was still alive. Shiloh and I read that. It was very touching and poignant. We will never know how much our parents or grandparents appreciate our visits and acts of kindness until we read them written in words.

Last July, Hezekiah Kit took land, air, and sea transports just to reach Bohol. What a trip! He was physically drained and stressed by the time he reached our residence in Tagbilaran City, but I think the experience was worth it. Imagine his route: Gen. Santos City to Davao City by bus; Davao City-Cebu City by plane; Cebu City to Tubigon, Bohol by boat and then Tubigon wharf to our Tagbilaran City residence by private vehicle. And he did all of these in just one day whew! Super kid huh! I can imagine the stress.

As parents, there are plenty of occasions that we need to set our foot down. During these trying moments, we must, without hesitation. No exceptions. Like using the internet and watching TV. Teenagers nowadays don’t read anymore. They don’t know what they’re missing. Reading aids comprehension and increases vocabulary. Look at the way they text? It’s upsetting. They deliberately misspell and then they get confused about the right spelling.

Teenagers have different needs and parents must rise up to the challenge. What’s important is teenagers have an avenue where they can totally express themselves and feel totally accepted and understood. That’s the main function of the home – a safety net for teenagers to express themselves.

It’s not easy being a teenager. But it’s not easy being a parent either. Like they say, there’s no college course or higher study for Parenting 101. Parenting is practical wisdom, possessing a big heart, sustaining unconditional love, practicing total acceptance, extending full support, engaging in lengthy conversations and constant disciplining rolled into one. Sometimes we miss; sometimes we score. It’s a continuing learning process. Just don’t give up being a parent. Talk to other parents and be strengthened in the process. Do not abnegate your role and participation in raising your teenagers. They are looking at you for guidance, direction and discipline. They may not say it but it’s wired in their system that guidance, direction and discipline come from parents. So discipline and correct with gentleness. Be firm but not harsh. Parents have a tendency to be harsh when correcting. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most parents do. I have a tendency to be harsh myself. Well, when we do, let us just speak to our teenagers when heads are cooler and discuss the issue at hand. Ventilate, ventilate, ventilate. Talk, talk, talk. Parenting is a great responsibility and challenge. When I say challenge, I mean all including feeding, clothing, educating, sustaining their needs, teaching and molding, and allowing them to grow at the same time. Raising them well is a parent’s greatest reward.

It’s not honeymoon all the time. There will be bad times but at the end of the day when they express how much they love you in many subtle ways including verbalizing their thoughts and feelings; and show you how much respect they have for you and what you speak of, then you can pat yourself on the shoulder and say, “My cup runneth over”.

 Food for thought: "No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure." - Emma Goldman

The thought of romance

Love stories always happen. In fact, they are happening as we speak, anywhere, everywhere. You can ask Maiko about it haha. That’s because the human heart is designed to love which is the real thing, and, to enjoy romance which is fleeting and a feel-good thing.

Naturally, some love stories are scoffed at. This usually happens when the love story is an “affair” between two married people or a single person with a married individual.

There are many motivations to enjoy the feeling of romance. For the middle-aged, perhaps their relationships have reached a point of boredom. They want variety. They want something exciting and fun. Oh, the middle-aged don’t intend to leave their families; they’re just at it for pure fun and pleasure. And of course, it’s good for the ego and machismo, for men, that is. What about for women. Well, I guess the motivation is the same huh!

Someone once told me this: In a man’s lifetime, he will have a fling or two. Hmmm is that an acceptance that her man will eventually have a fling or two in his lifetime. Who knows? We do not hold the future in our hands.

There are different types of romance. There is a summer fling or romance. This usually ends when summer ends. How’s that? A vacation romance is quite romantic, right? You spend a week or two in a new place without the slightest thought of romance and suddenly you find yourself flirting with another human being haha. It doesn’t end there. There’s a course review romance; office romance; out of office training romance; airport romance; ship romance; sales romance; name it, you have it. There’s actually no limit for romance to happen. As long as we live, we breathe attraction. It’s the normal course of things.

Oh well, this article is not written to encourage all types of romance.

It only aspires to articulate and put into words what happens in real life.

A million little things

I went to visit a friend yesterday afternoon after dropping off my son in the university. Well, I lingered a bit in the faculty room of my son’s college department and engaged two professors in animated conversation. The talk centered on the power industry. Haha I’m really a power industry girl. It’s an easy topic to discuss.

When I left, I drove to a friend’s house. I haven’t seen this friend since I left for Iloilo City several months back.

It was a wonderful opportunity to engage in good conversation. Well, I had coffee and eventually dinner. Haha at the rate I’m eating these days, I’m really going to add weight. Anyways, she prepared Panga. Wow it was tasty and I finally felt that I’m back in Gen. Santos City with its flavorful Panga!

It happens that my friend grows plants so I took the chance to ask for some branches and other rooted plants since Ate Teody has the green thumb. Since I returned from Iloilo City, my garden has been truly greened and plants are robust. Not only that, Ate Teody grew vegetables. Really cool.

Betty’s son Ian was just discharged from the hospital for dengue. Last Friday when I communicated with her first, she was in the hospital because Ian was confined for dengue. I wasn’t able to visit him that weekend on account of my son’s university activities. So yesterday, I made sure to visit them. Ian is doing better. Platelet has improved. Thank God. But funny thing what Betty said: “Day, sayang tapos na transfusion when I learned last Friday that you are Type A (blood type). You could have donated blood.” I said, yes I could have. But is that possible? I may donate blood today; then need it the following day. That will be ironic. She said, “Well there are qualifying factors. Women menstruate, so that will be considered including age, status of health, tattoo marks, others.” Anyways, she finally said: “Ian could have had your blood and you two become connected (for life) and then, he will grow more intelligent.” Haha so that’s the bottom line. We both laughed and said, “Yes”. Mothers.

But seriously, is there a study or research that can prove that donated or transfused blood can stimulate brain activity? Calling scientists. Is there research to back up our theory?

Anyways, I left Betty’s house quite full: physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s really good to visit close friends and talk. As it happens, I knew Betty for fifteen years. She was still single then. Her kids are still young while mine are already teenagers but our friendship has grown through the years. We have seen the changing fortunes of time, so to speak. I like that. Changing fortunes of time. So Desiderata.

Betty and I have a long way to go… until old age haha.

You’re the best Betty. You always have been.

Food for thought: Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things.

Abusive tricycle drivers

Hello All,

I would like to present a community concern.

It's about city tricycle drivers and the exorbitant rates they charge. They are most abusive on students.

Case 1: A student takes a ride together with another student or some other students enroute Gensanville Subdivision. Each one pays P15.00 each (negotiated or pakyaw). When one student is dropped at Phase I, drivers are just silent. But when drivers start maneuvering towards Phase 2, they start complaining that Phase 2 is far away and RENEGOTIATE for additional pay. That really stinks! The poor student - if he/she can stomach the incessant grumbling won't add another centavo but if he/she is pestered by the grumbling driver, he/she has no choice but to add. WHO WILL PROTECT our young students from ABUSIVE tricycle drivers? That's not all. Even when the students NEGOTIATE (pakyaw), the abusive drivers still pick up passengers along the way.

Case 2: Most tricycle drivers do not grant students their discounted fare. They even overcharge. What's wrong with this picture? Who will protect our young students from abusive drivers? Who will monitor the rightful imposition of the student discounted fare?

Case 3: Take the bus. When you disembark at the regular drop sites, the tricycle drivers approach you and charge P40.00. Hello. What's happening here? Who is protecting passengers from abusive tricycle drivers?

I am presenting this to you. How can we help our young students? The commuters?

The system really sucks.

Thank you.

A teenager's thoughts on P-Noy's SONA

By Hezekiah Kit Sales Canlas

These past few days, a lot of people were busy criticizing our President’s State of the Nation Address which was delivered on July 25th. From what I have heard from the people around me, the President’s SONA concentrated only on the wrongdoings and the pitfalls of the past government led by the infamous ex-President (now Pampanga Congresswoman) Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. They said that if the current leadership would only focus on looking for the past sins of the former government and not on the current situation of the nation, our country would not improve. But because I haven’t heard nor read the address, I remained silent and just listened to their comments.

Because I did not catch the SONA on television, I surfed the internet and looked for the exact copy of the piece. From what I have read, the address somehow focused on the anomalies of the past government and how the current leadership is creating solutions to solve these. Most people also said that the SONA of President Aquino was somehow weak and does not have a vision for the Philippines.

At first I was disagreeing on what most people were saying. In my mind, I support the idea of solving these issues first. If we were to rise up as a nation, we should correct the past errors so that we can learn from it, and evade it in the future, and then concentrate on the current status of the country.

But after reading a blog on the internet about the SONA, my views somehow changed. “Yes, solve these issues. What next?” like what my mother always says. Instead of focusing on the faults of the previous government, the President and his team should focus on the things this country needs in order to progress. The President has honest subordinates. That’s why recently, more lapses of the past administration rose from the graveyard.

I think that the government should simultaneously work on the development of our country and on solving the issues of the previous administration. If our government now is strong just like what P-Noy said, and the people are actively working hand in hand with the government, then we can handle both of these challenges with ease.

It’s still a year after his inauguration; let’s give him a chance to prove his worth to lead us.

We should also prove ourselves as responsible and empowered citizens of our country by not waiting for the government’s assistance to help us clear and clean our garbage-stuffed canals and rivers. Instead, we should find the solutions to these common community problems and solve them ourselves.