Everyone goes through
a life phase. We start with infancy, childhood, teenage, young adult, adult,
the forties, fifties, sixties, and old age.
Much has been written about the
forties. The famous line that captures the imagination is: “Life begins at
forty.” I wonder why. It is really no wonder. Forties is the life phase where
an individual is supposed to know himself better if not, best. Let’s take the
perspective of a woman (no offense meant to the male readers) of my column. She
knows her strengths and weaknesses at this age. She is equipped to manage both.
This is also the phase when a mom’s kids are either teenagers or fully grownup.
Now she has sufficient free time to pursue a dream, an interest, a hobby,
return to school, join an advocacy, be active in church, and the like. Well
lady, don’t expect full support from the people around you. Some will even
criticize you. It’s normal. Just press on and pursue that aspiration. Along the
way, you will meet people who will be more supportive and inspired by your
pursuit. Eventually, your critics will transform into admirers and believers.
They will start appreciating your dogged determination. What is life without
critics anyway? Critics make us human. Critics make us humble.
If it is not our habit to evaluate every life
phase we’re in, let us start now. The assessment process will enable us to
appreciate the good stuff and evaluate the bad stuff. The bad stuff becomes the
lessons that we grow from.
Some people will face a crisis upon
reaching their forties. This is the phase where personal and professional
insecurities and inadequacies come out and are most prominent. If we do not
talk about it and simply ignore it, I guarantee our world shrinks, we feel
choked, and ultimately swallowed. Thus, it is important that we keep a strong support
system that understands what we are going through. We need a confidante or two
to listen to our woes, pray with us and for us.
For the sixties and above, this is
the phase where our folks need our love, care, and attention. They want to feel
loved and needed. If our folks are still alive, we should exert effort to visit
them often, spend time with them, and celebrate life with them. Family rituals
are very important to old folks. We should make them feel a part of our life.
For the techie-savvy teenagers, we
must be cool moms and dads to them. I have heard so many mothers and fathers
complain about the behaviour of the young nowadays and they blame it on the
environment and the ubiquitous internet. I can empathize. How can a parent
compete with the pervasive internet? It is quite a challenge to become a cool parent
in this day and age. The key is good old-fashioned values. I strongly believe
in embedding good old-fashioned values in parenting. When kids appreciate
positive values at a young age, this value system will stay with them until old
age. They will probably deviate from time to time, but they never disregard it.
Good old-fashioned values become their beacon to stay on the path, and return
to it, if and when they stray.
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