Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
My river unknown
Finally today Sunday, I stayed on the view deck for nearly three hours. What a wonderful glorious afternoon.
The wind was blowing my hair as I was reading and meditating on Deuteronomy, and then digesting the editorial and commentaries of a national newspaper.
My river unknown was very peaceful and quiet. From where I stood (and sat); no one was in sight except for a bird or two flying over the horizon.
Magic. The river current created this sensation that I was floating, really floating.
Priceless. The experience is priceless. Good for the soul; good for the spirit. It’s a great comfort in a new environment in a new city. It’s my comfort nook.
I will miss this river when I find my own place in my new city.
The wind was blowing my hair as I was reading and meditating on Deuteronomy, and then digesting the editorial and commentaries of a national newspaper.
Magic. The river current created this sensation that I was floating, really floating.
Priceless. The experience is priceless. Good for the soul; good for the spirit. It’s a great comfort in a new environment in a new city. It’s my comfort nook.
I will miss this river when I find my own place in my new city.
Friday, December 17, 2010
People
What is it with people?
You love them, hate them, admire them, despise them, need them, ignore them.
What is it with a special person in one’s life?
You love him, hate him, admire him, despise him, need him, ignore him.
You love her, hate her, admire her, despise her, need her, ignore her and worst, deliberately hurt her.
Some people come to you to express a need; some come to ventilate frustrations and life issues; some come just for comfort.
But hey, let’s also stop and pause for a while and think about how we can make other people happy; feel important and special.
I tell you, everyone needs to feel special; cared for and most importantly loved.
Like I always say, “Life is not always about you; it’s also about me”.
Life is not always about him; it’s also about her.
Life is not always about your need; it’s also about my need.
Learn to give; learn to release; learn to love.
Learn to be human; learn to ache; learn to cry.
People have the greatest capacity to hurt other people; but they also have the greatest capacity to love.
What is it with a special person in one’s life?
You love him, hate him, admire him, despise him, need him, ignore him.
You love her, hate her, admire her, despise her, need her, ignore her and worst, deliberately hurt her.
Some people come to you to express a need; some come to ventilate frustrations and life issues; some come just for comfort.
But hey, let’s also stop and pause for a while and think about how we can make other people happy; feel important and special.
Like I always say, “Life is not always about you; it’s also about me”.
Life is not always about him; it’s also about her.
Life is not always about your need; it’s also about my need.
Learn to give; learn to release; learn to love.
Learn to be human; learn to ache; learn to cry.
People have the greatest capacity to hurt other people; but they also have the greatest capacity to love.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Papa's first death anniversary
By December 14, 2010, it would be one full year since father left us. It seems only a few weeks back. But it couldn’t be after all the lonely months I went through. It’s definitely one year as I’m ready to move on. In fact, I have started the healing journey, thanks in great measure to this new job. Father would have been happy and proud. He always imagined me reaching higher grounds than he did in his lifetime. He would always say, “Bett, children would always surpass the achievements of their parents”. Hmmm. Father had so much faith in his stubborn daughter.
I have missed father. I have missed his brilliance. I have missed our politics and discussions. I have missed having a human anchor.
But life’s like that. We are bound to lose the people we love (and hate occasionally) to death.
Having lost both parents, I could only advise those who still have their parents around to love them, cherish them, spend time with them, talk, talk, talk until you drop, so when the time comes to say goodbye, there are no regrets.
I have spent time with both my parents during their sick moments. Those were tough times. I lost mother when I was only in my early thirties. It was 2001. I felt then that she was too young to go; and I was too young to lose a mother. It was the first death in the family. It was odd, painful, hard and tough on all of us including father.
Fast forward to 2009. I had a difficult time dealing with father’s illness. I was trying to shield myself from the pain when he was still very sick. It was my coping. It didn’t help that I had to relocate then from Gen. Santos City to Cebu City and was missing my kids. It added to my loneliness. I had difficulty talking to him because I didn’t know what to talk about. I guess I had to deal then with the reality that he was very sick and I was healthy and it was very strange to me. Papa was always healthy. He seldom got sick. I was more often sick than he was. He was always cautioning me to be careful with my asthma because he knew of some people who died of asthma. In fact, at one time he shared that a child of a friend died of asthma attack. Then suddenly there he was very sick and I was grappling for words.
I think he was also dealing with that reality because he would often say when I turned quiet, “It’s okay Bett, I’m tired now”.
For all the lonely and painful moments during father’s illness and his death thereafter, I knew that healing would always come, in its own time.
I can’t help but recall my last moment with him when we were encouraged to speak to him individually to say goodbye. His eyes were closed. It was my turn to talk to him.
I felt awkward – one of those bizarre moments of your life, but I needed to. I spoke gently in his right ear and said, “Pa, this is Bebett, your most favourite daughter”. What would you know! He opened his eyes and looked at me haha. It was a very brief moment and then he closed his eyes again. What followed was a small ripple of laughter in the room. I spoke to him and then sung his favourite gospel song, followed by his favourite standard songs like “The Nearness of You” and two others.
Hmmm. I can only say this: “A daughter’s relationship with her father is always special, very unique”. It’s a special bond transcending one’s lifetime.
Food for thought: Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire one or the other. ~Joseph Joubert
I have missed father. I have missed his brilliance. I have missed our politics and discussions. I have missed having a human anchor.
But life’s like that. We are bound to lose the people we love (and hate occasionally) to death.
Having lost both parents, I could only advise those who still have their parents around to love them, cherish them, spend time with them, talk, talk, talk until you drop, so when the time comes to say goodbye, there are no regrets.
I have spent time with both my parents during their sick moments. Those were tough times. I lost mother when I was only in my early thirties. It was 2001. I felt then that she was too young to go; and I was too young to lose a mother. It was the first death in the family. It was odd, painful, hard and tough on all of us including father.
Fast forward to 2009. I had a difficult time dealing with father’s illness. I was trying to shield myself from the pain when he was still very sick. It was my coping. It didn’t help that I had to relocate then from Gen. Santos City to Cebu City and was missing my kids. It added to my loneliness. I had difficulty talking to him because I didn’t know what to talk about. I guess I had to deal then with the reality that he was very sick and I was healthy and it was very strange to me. Papa was always healthy. He seldom got sick. I was more often sick than he was. He was always cautioning me to be careful with my asthma because he knew of some people who died of asthma. In fact, at one time he shared that a child of a friend died of asthma attack. Then suddenly there he was very sick and I was grappling for words.
I think he was also dealing with that reality because he would often say when I turned quiet, “It’s okay Bett, I’m tired now”.
For all the lonely and painful moments during father’s illness and his death thereafter, I knew that healing would always come, in its own time.
I can’t help but recall my last moment with him when we were encouraged to speak to him individually to say goodbye. His eyes were closed. It was my turn to talk to him.
I felt awkward – one of those bizarre moments of your life, but I needed to. I spoke gently in his right ear and said, “Pa, this is Bebett, your most favourite daughter”. What would you know! He opened his eyes and looked at me haha. It was a very brief moment and then he closed his eyes again. What followed was a small ripple of laughter in the room. I spoke to him and then sung his favourite gospel song, followed by his favourite standard songs like “The Nearness of You” and two others.
Hmmm. I can only say this: “A daughter’s relationship with her father is always special, very unique”. It’s a special bond transcending one’s lifetime.
Food for thought: Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire one or the other. ~Joseph Joubert
Friday, December 10, 2010
Writer's paradise (",)
It’s Wednesday, December 8th. I am on my fifth night in Iloilo City. The adjustment was easier compared to….ah never mind the comparison.
I am in a staff house and I feel welcomed. It’s nice in here. I have my own room and there’s a toilet and bath. There’s a big entertainment room with a huge TV set. I like it immediately. Most especially that the TV provides cable channels. Who doesn’t love cable TV? There’s WiFi, too. Talk about amenities. God is good. There’s also a spacious dining area with kitchen. At the back, there’s a viewing deck where you can see a river. Hmmm. Writer’s paradise. But I haven’t maximized it yet. I have been busy the past three days. Maybe this weekend, I can maximize the deck. Amalia and Joyce are good to me, as well as the male residents. They say, “Now we have a muse”. Haha. Muse it is!
I left Gen Santos on Friday. I rested overnight in Cebu City in my childhood friend Emcy’s house. She fed me. Wonderful. I just love being with her. I’m always filled.
The following afternoon, I flew to Iloilo City. I was fetched at the airport. I requested the driver to drive to a “Batchoy” house as I desired right away to savour this Ilonggo delicacy. Then we drove to the staff house and I unpacked. You might say that I make it sound so easy. Well, it’s not. Major life changes require lots of courage and adjustment. Whew! You will go through doubts – that’s when you need to mobilize your prayer network. You can also get discouraged and uninspired – that’s when you need pep talk from your friends. And most importantly as you process all the angst, you need to talk things out with your family. In my case, I had lots of talk with my teenagers. It’s important they understand the situation. Talk, talk, talk. What a relief that we can speak.
It’s Friday now. Since I arrived here, it was always raining and the temperature is cold. I can only remember Sunday as a warm afternoon; the rest of the days were wet just like this afternoon. I have survived my first week. Success! Like I told my friends, let’s count it by days so we can manage the angst better. It’s less stressful. Chop the chunk into bits and pieces, as they say.
Tomorrow, I will be looking for a place to stay. I hope God will lead me to the right place and right neighbourhood. I still have nine working days to go before I visit home for the Christmas holidays. Time to be reunited with loved ones and friends. This time, I will travel sans luggage. I will just carry myself. Yehey no stress! The lightest that I travelled in the past was with a backpack which was admittedly a new practice that I adopted while serving Visayas for some eight months. This time, I will adopt a more hassle-free practice: I will carry myself and my shoulder bag only. Boy! I look forward to this trip. No luggage; no backpack; no laptop. Just me!
Lest I forget it, I want to thank my ever-patient doctor: Dr. Naat Montemayor for the check-up and prescriptions before I left. Oh, on top of the anti-asthma medication, I now have to use the nasal spray for rhinitis and another medicine for rhinitis management. Well, she says my immune system is poor, and asthmatic as I am, my rhinitis is also playing tricks on me, thanks to the cold season. Even then, thank God for great doctors, medicines and the resources to buy medicines. But of course, you have to trust the Greatest Physician to take care of you. After all, health is a gift. So even as we take on our medicines, we know whom to anchor our faith on – the Greatest Physician. But the greatest learning I had all these years that I’m asthmatic is to accept my weakness and limitation, and not fret about it. But human as we are, we can’t help but feel anxious and sometimes hopeless. I’m very fortunate that I have friends and teenagers who rally me to go ahead and be well. So, if you’re on medication right now for hypertension; asthma and what have you, I can only tell you to follow your doctor’s instructions. It won’t be easy at times, especially when it costs much but God will always bring relief when the situation gets tough and troubling. He always does.
I am about to get hungry. I will have dinner and then proceed to the staff house. Problem is it’s still raining. Hmmm when will the rain ever stop? Oh well, in the meantime I will enjoy Nesvita cereal milk drink. It will be good for my stomach. It will be good for my heart. (“,)
I left Gen Santos on Friday. I rested overnight in Cebu City in my childhood friend Emcy’s house. She fed me. Wonderful. I just love being with her. I’m always filled.
The following afternoon, I flew to Iloilo City. I was fetched at the airport. I requested the driver to drive to a “Batchoy” house as I desired right away to savour this Ilonggo delicacy. Then we drove to the staff house and I unpacked. You might say that I make it sound so easy. Well, it’s not. Major life changes require lots of courage and adjustment. Whew! You will go through doubts – that’s when you need to mobilize your prayer network. You can also get discouraged and uninspired – that’s when you need pep talk from your friends. And most importantly as you process all the angst, you need to talk things out with your family. In my case, I had lots of talk with my teenagers. It’s important they understand the situation. Talk, talk, talk. What a relief that we can speak.
It’s Friday now. Since I arrived here, it was always raining and the temperature is cold. I can only remember Sunday as a warm afternoon; the rest of the days were wet just like this afternoon. I have survived my first week. Success! Like I told my friends, let’s count it by days so we can manage the angst better. It’s less stressful. Chop the chunk into bits and pieces, as they say.
Tomorrow, I will be looking for a place to stay. I hope God will lead me to the right place and right neighbourhood. I still have nine working days to go before I visit home for the Christmas holidays. Time to be reunited with loved ones and friends. This time, I will travel sans luggage. I will just carry myself. Yehey no stress! The lightest that I travelled in the past was with a backpack which was admittedly a new practice that I adopted while serving Visayas for some eight months. This time, I will adopt a more hassle-free practice: I will carry myself and my shoulder bag only. Boy! I look forward to this trip. No luggage; no backpack; no laptop. Just me!
Lest I forget it, I want to thank my ever-patient doctor: Dr. Naat Montemayor for the check-up and prescriptions before I left. Oh, on top of the anti-asthma medication, I now have to use the nasal spray for rhinitis and another medicine for rhinitis management. Well, she says my immune system is poor, and asthmatic as I am, my rhinitis is also playing tricks on me, thanks to the cold season. Even then, thank God for great doctors, medicines and the resources to buy medicines. But of course, you have to trust the Greatest Physician to take care of you. After all, health is a gift. So even as we take on our medicines, we know whom to anchor our faith on – the Greatest Physician. But the greatest learning I had all these years that I’m asthmatic is to accept my weakness and limitation, and not fret about it. But human as we are, we can’t help but feel anxious and sometimes hopeless. I’m very fortunate that I have friends and teenagers who rally me to go ahead and be well. So, if you’re on medication right now for hypertension; asthma and what have you, I can only tell you to follow your doctor’s instructions. It won’t be easy at times, especially when it costs much but God will always bring relief when the situation gets tough and troubling. He always does.
I am about to get hungry. I will have dinner and then proceed to the staff house. Problem is it’s still raining. Hmmm when will the rain ever stop? Oh well, in the meantime I will enjoy Nesvita cereal milk drink. It will be good for my stomach. It will be good for my heart. (“,)
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