Kindred souls

With high school friends

Is your life filled with kindred spirits? Do you appreciate kindred souls? If your answer to both questions is “yes”, then you are one fortunate human being because with kindred souls, you can never go wrong. Haha I bet you were imagining a fairy tale complete with fairies.
I asked my college best friend Catherine Carmela Consing Taylor who is now based in Canada and who happens to be a very generous Ninang to my son Hezekiah Kit for a possible topic to explore in my column. I requested that the suggestion be light because my head can’t crack heavy stuff at this moment in time. Her reply: “Hmmm...How about importance of good girlfriends? How there are girlfriends who might be far away but still a kindred spirit? Something to do with girlfriends, what do you think?”

And I like it! So let’s attempt to explore the concept of women friends; women bonding; women sharing; women moments and related stuff about women.
Why indeed is girl friendship so essential to women? We can cite several reasons: to feel strengthened; understood and validated; and supported; to be oneself sans inhibitions; to be totally crazy with and not judged or mocked; to have fun; to feel wholly a woman, ad infinitum.
Like for instance my best friend Carmela. We became friends way back in college. I was maid of honor at her wedding in Dumaguete City. Ah Dumaguete. It brings back wonderful memories and Carmela certainly knew about it. Remember those places in your life when you had fun and light moments that stick for a lifetime? I had those moments in Dumaguete and I always smile whenever I remember them. In fact, Kenny G’s Silhouette and Billy Ocean’s The Colour of Love were the songs that captured those moments.

But back to kindred souls, before the onset of modern technology and the internet phenomenon, we kept our relationships with our girlfriends from afar through letters and long distance telephone calls. If they are based elsewhere in the country and our work provides us opportunity to travel, we make sure to visit them and spend time with them. But the most inspired thing is when we share the same city. Then we can set the outings, gigs, bonding and girl talks.
There is always solidarity between or amongst women. But the thing is we must invest time to nurture it. Some women take it for granted that their closest friends are there for them, come hell or high waters. But hey, they are “feeling” beings, too. They also need a call, a text or a girl date to refresh the relationship from time to time. Even computer screens require refreshing huh! And computers can’t even feel. It is not even high-maintenance friendship. Connection could be a peek on how she is doing, a chat over decaf coffee, or simply spending time together, not a tall order, if you ask me.

Since women are emotional beings, they find deep satisfaction from a good talk. For most women, talking is simply therapy. It is inexpensive and yet, very rewarding. As learned people would often say, “Never, underestimate the power of a good talk”. It is cathartic.
I love this line from a book I read a couple of years ago: As a woman, you play different roles. You are a wife; mother; sister; daughter; friend. But lest you forget it, you are a woman, first and foremost. You have needs to be met. You should not neglect that part of your persona. And may I add, if you focus on the rest of your roles but forget the most essential which is the soul of your being, you will falter, because by meeting the essential requirements of your woman nature, you will come out filled and all set to tackle the other roles attached to being a woman.

At home with work friends

Going back to kindred spirits which provide women a sense of balance and solidarity especially during challenging times, when a woman’s girlfriend is going through a tough time in her life – in all areas like not passing the board exam for instance, losing a boyfriend or finding out the husband has a fling or worse paramour, it is so much easier to confide in a friend than a sibling or family. Wonder why.

Disclosure is a breeze when done with a non-relative. Of course, we do not diminish the value of family. Families have their moral ascendancy over the order of things but kindred souls are like an extension of family and yet, there is no felt tension; no implicit or expressed expectations; no ‘hey, watch what you’re saying young lady’ apprehension with them. No guilt trip, plain and simple. They are family and yet they are not.
So what are they? They are simply, heavenly, amazingly called girlfriends – kindred souls, and life is so much better with them around.

Food for thought: This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.
-- Author Unknown

Poignant, class, elegant

July 3rd, Saturday, I attended Julie Pearl’s (a.k.a. July) debut at a newly renovated hotel in Gen. Santos City. I must say the new look of the hotel is appealing to the eyes. There are still nooks and corners for improvement but the appeal is already there. Nice touch.

Poignant, class, elegant. That’s how I simply describe the affair. Intimate with only family, relatives, and closest friends present; simple because they stuck to the most important rituals; class because it simply is! and one can see that the family most especially the mother Pearl exerted everything within her human powers to achieve her desired perfection to honor her first daughter (Ah whatever shall we do without mothers!); elegant because most everyone came dressed up. Question: why is it so class to see people come dressed up for a special event?

I tagged along my high school classmate Ma. Theresa “Maritess” Cabido who has resided in Pagadian City for many years now and who paid me a welcome visit last week. We had wonderful bonding time. I drove her around the city. We went to my favorite place Isla Parilla for an afternoon refreshment peppered with lots of pictorial at the picturesque Isla Parilla. By Friday night, we also toured the newest bar here to sample band music.

Maritess said the intimacy was an offshoot of the close relationships that each guest had for each other. Everyone was like family. I saw that working that night. There was no barrier; no aloofness. It was simply magic: everyone sharing light and fun moments with each other; creating perfect memories. Hmmm perfect memories.

So what’s a Philippine debut anyway? According to Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, “the Philippine Debut is a cultural tradition of the Filipino people.[1] It is a coming-of-age celebration for Philippine women that are somewhat reminiscent of the Spanish tradition of the "Quinceanera" celebration. The difference between the Spanish Quinceanera and the Philippine Debut is the age at which the celebration takes place. The Philippine debut celebrates a woman entering into her 18th year, while the Spanish Quinceanera takes place on a young lady's 15th birthday.

On their 18th birthday, Philippine women throw a large party, complete with her own hand-picked debut court of 18 people. These 18 are 9 males and 9 females whom the celebrant pairs off into partners. The celebrant's court usually wears a uniform formal outfit chosen by the celebrant similar to that of a wedding party, while the celebrant typically wears an extravagant ball gown.

The birthday celebrant along with her partner and court perform traditional debut dances for their guests. The most important dance that the celebrant and her court perform is known as the "Grand Cotillion Dance" which is usually a classic waltz. There is also an "18 Roses Dance" where 18 males picked by the celebrant dance with her after presenting her with a single red rose. This dance is almost always preceded by the memorable "Father and Daughter Dance".

During the celebration, the debutante also has 18 chosen "candles". These "candles" are females who know the celebrant and must give a short speech on either their relationship with the celebrant and/or any special birthday wishes they have for their celebrant. After all the food, entertainment, and Philippine Debut traditions for this wonderful occasion have gone under way, the celebrant brings the celebration to a close with a Debutante's speech in which she shares her life experience and gratitude with her beloved guests.”

But naturally, the imagination and creativity of the organizer or team of organizers would play a major role in the conceptualization and execution of the entire event. Like in July’s case, she did away with the Cotillion dance. She kept the “18 Roses Dance” and “18 Candles Birthday Wish” complete with a goblet of red wine each. She also had the “Treasures”. Obviously, I liked this part the most, because I was one of those giving out the “Treasures”.

While watching the entire proceeding, Maritess and I were exchanging knowing looks. Her eldest daughter, second child in the family, is already into first year college. That means she will turn eighteen next year. My daughter is fourteen. Hmmm still four years to go though. But seeing the marked joy during the occasion, one can’t help but think of one’s daughter. So poignant indeed.

I was thinking maybe we should do away with all the teen birthdays starting thirteen up to seventeen so we can have a big one when our daughters turn eighteen. Nah. Dream on.

Kids love to share their birthdays with friends at any given age, hence, we still celebrate little or big ones for them before they turn eighteen. Nonetheless, if it makes them happy and we can afford it, let us grant them the little joys. But if times are not so cooperative, we can always explain. After all, didn’t we all go through the same age and live through it with or without the big or little celebrations? And didn’t we turn out just fine? Aha!

But going back to debut, I really think that each Filipino family should preserve this beautiful culture. Like Pearl’s parents, we can start saving six months earlier or a year ahead by setting aside a target fund every month. By the birth month, our target amount would have been reached and we could now execute our dream debut.

But like I said, let’s make it elegant and simple. The two can blend together perfectly. Put all the essentials; do away with extravagant and lavish rituals. Most importantly, allow the debutante and her friends to enjoy the dance floor after all the rituals have been carried out. If your program drags on, everybody becomes weary and by the time dancing begins, everyone has gone home. So just let the teenagers have their moment of fun and dancing for the night. Let them be carefree and uninhibited. After all, the whole squad, I mean family, is around to monitor them haha. No escape for the night.

Maritess asked if I had my debut, too. I said, yes I had mine but it was just a party with friends my age, you know childhood, high school and college friends combined. There was food and lots of dancing. There were no rituals. Hmmm I missed that. But I had fun that night. I guess my tastes had stuck through the years: simple needs; simple joys.

And so my dearest July, as you create your perfect memories to last you a lifetime, you hit the mark right by thanking your parents first. When we are young, our parents by wisdom of age (hey! I didn’t say old), know what is best for us. When we grow older (in wisdom), God will ascertain that point in time when we shall be able to tell our parents what is best for them. Trust me, it will come.

Carry on, Girl!

RP has no law for official vice presidential residence - Nation - GMANews.TV - Official Website of GMA News and Public Affairs - Latest Philippine News

RP has no law for official vice presidential residence - Nation - GMANews.TV - Official Website of GMA News and Public Affairs - Latest Philippine News

Love affair with music

As I write this column, Barry Manilow’s mellow songs are softly drifting through the house. I am playing his songs for inspiration. The music you love to hear usually reflects the genre you like and naturally the period. Ouch!

Let me ask a question. When did your love affair with music start? For the music lovers who read this column, you can revisit your younger years and answer the question in a flash. No sweat.

My love for music started at a very young age. My father was always singing at home; plucking the guitar and playing his favorite records on stereo. Yes records! Do you remember those long playing albums and 45 rpm records? I bet you do. I bet you still have them stacked somewhere. My father had lots of them. He kept on buying new records each time a new album is released. Talk about passion huh!

I remember at one time, my mother invited a family friend-guitarist to teach my elder brother and me how to play the guitar. Naturally my elder brother learned it quite fast. I was the slow learner when it came to guitar playing. My brother Angelus studied some more until he specialized in bass guitar and eventually played with a band in college until he passed his electrical engineer board exam and worked professionally. He was a musician at heart and electrical engineer at the same time. He only stopped playing bass and acoustic guitar professionally when he got married.

Even if I did not become a musician like my brother, my love for music stayed. How can you not love it? When my brother fell in love with the guitar, we had to listen night and day to his music choices which were blaring loudly on the stereo. Talk about freedom of choice! So we had to listen to the Beatles repeatedly for weeks and weeks until the newest choice came along, and on and on the cycle goes.

And then on my short trips to Valencia, my father’s hometown, I got acquainted with jazz. At first, it sounded strange to my ears. Eventually, I liked it. I remember my first taste of Michael Franks’ music. It was cool and soothing. It was a hit for me. I decided then that I would love jazz.

But when you love music, it will always pull you back. Hmmm like first love? In college, I had the chance to work as disc jockey in a local radio station. Ah what pleasure! Finally, I had the chance to listen to my choice of music. I listened to all sorts of music, from Tagalog to English; mellow to fast; jazz; instrumental, everything under the sun. That was so much fun.

The coolest thing was I had free hand on music selection. There was no pre-programmed music repertoire. I was given freedom to choose my music. It was an exhilarating experience.

I worked for three years at the radio station until I graduated from college. Let us just say I was earning while I was in school. I had a one-hour radio show every day and a four-hour radio show every Sunday. I like Sundays better. I had longer time to linger in the radio station and do other stuff like having a boyfriend on the side sans my protective parents’ knowledge. Now it can be told. But hey, I have no more parents. I have lost them both remember?

My love for music grew with my radio station stint. Who would not when you were given free records every single time new ones were released by the recording companies? I had to bring my allocation home each time. I had stacks of record at home while in college.

But that was only the shallow reason; the deeper reason was I needed to listen and appreciate different types of music because I was catering to an audience of varied tastes. It was a must for the profession. It was fun, entertaining and educational. I studied the artists; read and appreciated their backgrounds; played their music and got paid my wages. Hmmm not bad for a college student. No wonder I can have a secret boyfriend on the side, I had money.

I left my radio job when I graduated from college. But music has significantly played an important role in my life. Do you have songs that labeled your life experiences? I have plenty of songs that categorized my life experiences. In college, I remember crooning over “Someone That I Used to Love”, “Something New in My Life”; “Separate Lives” and some other memorable pieces that bring back good memories whenever I hear them played on the radio all over again. You know, the hit backs. Yeah, yeah, it is the age.

But there are songs that stick with us right? Until now, I still love “Something New in My Life”. For me, it is endless. It is probably the title. It speaks of something new each day; always. Or it might just be the romantic Belinda speaking huh!

Fast forward to 2007 when my son started guitar lessons. He started to add his brand of music into the house which already hosted a variety of music wafting in every corner. Then 2008 came and my son moved to bass guitar as suggested by the dad. It was also in 2008 when my daughter started drum lessons. With all these musicians thriving in the house, one had to invest in instruments. So we slowly provided the musical instruments. The acoustic guitar came first. I bought it and carried all the way from Bohol to Gen. Santos City in 2005. That sparked my son’s interest to play the guitar.

Bass guitar came in second, a gift from the dad. Then my bass guitarist brother - the original musician, bequeathed his prized electric guitar to my son. He shipped it from Bohol. And since we now have a drummer in the house, the drum set followed inevitably. So now, the house is practically filled with instruments and when the teenage kids play, the mother pays attention, or rather enjoys it.

A house filled with music inspires creativity and imagination. Musicians are creative, sensitive, highly imaginative and soulful people. Just talk to musicians and you will know.

Now, we listen to different music genres when all the musicians congregate in the house to play. By musicians, I mean the father, son and daughter. They jam and I enjoy it.

What’s the gist of this story?

Simple. When you love music, you will allow music to complement your life. Without so much effort and without you knowing it, you open the greatest opportunity for your family, your children most especially, to benefit from the same passion.