Sunday, August 29, 2010

Musing of a lonely soul

Eighteen minutes past one in the morning. I am still awake. I have been lonely since Friday night, mostly because I miss father.

But I am coping better now compared with a few months ago. I would call it progress. Is it Jen? I need to ask Jenny Olave because she is still awake and expecting to read this reflection as soon as I am done.

Like I always told myself, I will be patient. I have read from a book that we ought to be the first persons to grant ourselves patience. If other people can be patient with us, why can’t we? Indeed, why not?

We know ourselves better than anyone else does. So forget about what others have to say. Listen to your innermost thoughts first. Honor your sentiments. Respect your feelings of grief and sorrow.

Father has been gone since December. It has been eight months since he died. I have read books to help me cope including novels. The latest book I completed – today to be exact, is by Elizabeth Noble. I bought it for P70.00 and it is already hardbound. Good purchase.

Elizabeth Noble’s “Things I Want My Daughters to Know” was deliberately bought sometime last month together with another book The Same Sweet Girls by Cassandra King also at P70.00, likewise hardbound, because of its storyline. I bought it because it was a story revolving around a dying mother who wrote her four daughters individual letters; left those letters with the three older daughters’ stepfather and one younger daughter’s (the youngest) biological father with the specific instruction that the letters would only be handed out after she is buried. Isn’t that interesting?

Anyways, I would not tell you the twists and turns of the book because it’s quite long but suffice it to say, there were stuff there I could relate. After all, Barbara (the mother) died of Cancer like my Mom did. We didn’t get our individual letters though. That would have been uncanny, to say the least.

I decided to write. If I couldn’t sleep, I could write, couldn’t I?

But this story has no ending. After all, this is just an outlet of my loneliness.

Sunday afternoon, I will visit BookSale and buy my share of hardbound books again, hopefully at P70.00 per book, just like last time. I hope BookSale has new arrivals by then.

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